School Stories

It has been close to six months that I even opened my blogger account - whether to read other blogs I follow or to write a post of my own. That should be enough to give you all an idea of what School B has done to me. Anyway, however non-existent my personal and social life has become, the one thing that I LOVE about school are my kids! They are the reason I wake up and drag myself to school every morning. Because after all the hardwork, all the criticism from seniors, all the work piled on you because you are new, all the weekends spent in checking papers, when you enter the classroom and the children smile at you, you know in your heart that it was all worth it.

But you know it is all worth it even more when you have great classroom moments. Some of my hilarious ones:

Selective listening:
Me: During his early years as a poet, Frost got quite frustrated with the publishing industry in America and moved to England.
Student 1: But why, miss? He was married, no?!

Distraction techniques:
Student 2: Miss, if Robert Frost gave a hickey to his girlfriend, what would it be?
Me: I don't think that is relevant right now. Let's move on.
Student 2: Please, miss. It is really funny!
Me: So, in this poem, he...
Student 2: A Frost bite, miss!!

Silly jokes not meant for distraction but end up making the whole class laugh:
Me: Write a poem titled "Metaphors".
Students 3: Lets all Metaphor a drink. Geddit? *bobs head*

Make the teacher panic:
Student 4: Miss, don't you think K and I are the best couple ever?! Look at us!
Me: 1) Please stand at an arm's length from each other and 2) Lets have one cardinal rule in this classroom. No touching anyone. Whether appropriately or inappropriately. Are we all clear?
All the students: *burst out laughing*

Lastly, one non-hilarious but mushy moment for me: This Teacher's day, my ninth standard kids gave me a lovely card and some of the lines on it read: "What she lacks in size, she makes up for in energy./ We will never find a teacher who is so lively.." Made. My. Day. :D

Those have been my last few months. What about you all?

Conversations

Me: Mum, I miss baking very much! Please buy me an oven.
Mum: What is it with you and buying things? Who will take care of it, clean it etc? And anyway, I know you won't use it often enough at all once the novelty wears off.
Me: Mum!!! Baking urge!! Please be reasonable!
Mum: *Sigh* Okay. I've got some sand from Rajasthan.
Me: *waiting for explanation*
Mum: *None forthcoming*
Me: *cautiously* Sand?
Mum: Yea. You can bake with it. It comes out just fine. That's how they do it there. *March off*

Bottom line: Baking urge still not satisfied and growing stronger. *frustration*

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Mungi (my awesomeosome friend from college): So, how did your teacher training course go? Did you make new friends and all?
Me: Yea, it was good! And I did make a few really good friends! :D I also flirted a lot with this one girl! :D
Mungi: WHAT?
Me: *giggle, giggle*
Mungi: *guffaw* I mean, I flirted, gooooood. A lot, very gooood. One, very very good. GIRL?!! It seems leaving England has affected you in a much deeper way than I thought. :P

blah, blah, blah...

Talking about smoking et al...
Mungi: What is post-k...komint...
Me: Post-coital cigarette? *explanation*
Mungi: Ah, ok. Why do people go so gaga over it?
Me: Because it feels awesome?
Mungi: *shocked look*
Me: *realising the implication* ... is what I've heard...
Mungi: *shocked AND unconvinced look*
Me: *suddenly enjoying this* No, really. That's what I've heard. I've not had sex ever since I started smoking.
Mungi: *shocked look back*
Me: *making weird faces trying not to laugh*
Mungi: *uncertain laugh* Let's go to college.

Bottom Line: I love scandalizing people. :D But also, I love Mungi to bits. :D

Star's Believe it or not

(This post is for the Indiblogger's FireFreeze Challenge competition. Please do vote for me if you like my post. Or if you like me. Or even if you don't. :P)
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Being a translator for a company that subtitles Hindi films and TV shows in English is not easy. I don't know whether I love my job or hate it. 

Believe it or not, I recently had to translate 50 minutes of this:

I really didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. It was one of the worst pieces of Indian television that I had come across so far - on job and out of it. But it was also one of those examples of "It's so bad, it's good." If you are not too sensitive, you can totally enjoy watching this one for it's absolute ridiculousness. And for it's unimaginable commentary.

The sad part for me was that I had to translate that ridiculous commentary in English. 

Okay, correction. I had to try and translate that ridiculous commentary in English. Because, obviously, I couldn't do all of it accurately. 

For example: When this King Kobra person was being beaten up, the commentator once said: "Agar is naag ki koi girlfriend, koi Icchhadhari Nagin hogi, toh woh iski haar ka badla legi." (Rough trasnlation: If this snake had a girlfriend, some snake woman, then she would take revenge if he lost the fight.") That was the moment of my Firefreeze.  I was laughing so hard that I started crying. And once I got over it, I realised that I will have to translate that in English. How would you ever translate "Icchhadhari Nagin"?! I ended up using "Snake woman".

And then, the commentator kept telling during every fight that this is brutal and how could they do this and how they come up with new ways of torturing people and blah di blah di blah. So, umm.. what was he expecting on a Wrestling reality show? Flowers and balloons and lots of kissing? I wanted to scream out loudly out of frustration and also laugh out loudly for the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

All in all, it was a brilliant experience and one of it's kind on my job. I never thought I would say this but after seeing this, I am so glad for the Indian television dramas. Short, predictable and lots of loud background score. :P And easy for translation. Most of the dialogues can be copied in some document and then, pasted in various different TV shows. ;)

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Like I said before, this post is for the Indiblogger's FireFreeze Challenge. So, I hope you all like it. Please vote for me here by clicking on "Promote this post". Also, please do leave a comment about similar experiences that you might have had - mood swings, confusions, crushes, heart-breaks - anything and everything. And then, copy-paste the same comment here. Thank you!

The sitcom that is my life...

Last November, on the Bonfire night, I had gone out on a date with this Greek-Albanian guy I'd met randomly somewhere. It was absolutely the most boring date I've ever had! He could barely speak proper English. How he stayed in England is a mystery to me. But, his English was so basic, that once we asked each other what do we do and where we are both from, we were pretty much stumped for conversation. Coming from such varied and rich cultures, we should have had LOADS of things to talk about. But the moment I'd say even ONE big word in English, he'd start looking all perplexed. And explaining things to someone who is hyperventilating for not understanding is not my cuppa tea. I asked him if he liked reading. And he said, "No." Yea, just that, no explanations, no asking me if I did, nothing at all. Just, "No." And THEN! He said, he liked singing. And he started humming a song. In Albanian. In the crowded, noisy bar. IN MY EAR! How I wanted to burst out laughing! Needless to say, I never met him again. 

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A couple days ago, my father asked me what I was trying to tell him the previous night. I told him that I was asleep even before he came back! So, obviously, I didn't talk to him. How could I have told him something? Apparently, as it turns out that he had come into my room after I had gone to sleep and when he was there, I mumbled something in my sleep and then shouted out numbers "2100" and "2500" before going back to sleep. I have absolutely no clue what those numbers meant. I just know that it's dangerous if I talk in sleep because fortunately, this time, I was talking to my dad in my sleep and shouted out numbers in Gujarati. But what if I was talking to someone else? Like Sun and Moon? or Atom? My dad would be scarred for life! :P

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Later that day, Hoppy came to our house and both of us were fooling around. Then, Hoppy went and laid down his head in my mum's lap. I got jealous and shooed him away and went and laid my head down in my mum's lap myself. Hoppy, being the mischievous little brat that he is, came and snuggled in next to me, subtly trying to nudge my head out of my mum's lap with his own head. There was much tickling and laughing and we both ended up taking pretty pictures of lovely bhai-behen ka pyar in my mum's lap. :D

Last night, I went to Hoppy and my grand parents' place. My aunt (Hoppy's mum), my granny and granpa and I, we were all talking about adult worldly things, like reconstruction, building towers in place of old buildings and houses etc. Hoppy got bored and piped up, "Granpa, have you also worked in a construction company when you were young? How do you know everything about everything? If my cycle is broken, you repair that. If the bulb or the fan is not working, you repair that. If there are problems in the building, you know the solutions. Why do you do everything?!! This is your age to shut up and do your own religious things, no?"

Hoppy-isms

Hoppy, my 10 year old cousin. (See, I'm so intelligent, no?!! Happy + hopping all over the place = Hoppy! :D No? You don't think so...? :( Ah, well, I think it's an intelligent name! So, there! :P)

As children are, he is often the source of entertainment in my drab, drab life! :P 

Being the youngest in the family, he is often called "baby" by everyone. Once, when he was about 6 and we had gone to Rajasthan for a holiday, he had just woken up from an afternoon nap and I said something to the effect of "My baby has woken up!" And he just started screaming, "What baby, baby, baby?! All the time baby, baby, baby! I'm not your baby, ok?!!" causing all of us to burst into peels of laughter. On the same trip, whenever he was tired, he would say, "Uncle, my tyre has gone flat." And my dad would have to "fill air in his tyre" by basically going back to the hotel/ car if we were too far away and letting him go to sleep. Once he rested properly, he would wake up and say, "Uncle, my batteries have been re-charged. Let's go somewhere!" 

Recently, after I came back, my mum made pani-puris (golgappa, puchka, whatever you call it! ;)) and the mint pani was a bit spicier than it usually is. And he couldn't have it with as much relish as he would have like to. But of course, he can't say that my mum made a mistake in cooking. It's an ultimate insult to her! :P (Now that I think of it, it's awesome that he's learning that so soon, when he's only 10. I think there are some thing boys must learn from their mothers' wombs and come. And not criticizing women in something that they are good at is one of them. It's the recipe to a healthy life. :P) Anyway, since he couldn't say anything to her, he turned on my dad and screamed, "Uncle, if you want everything spicy, why don't you keep some chillies separate for yourself? Why do you make aunty put them in food for everyone? Now, no one except for you can eat this!" And boy, did we all laugh! 

See his naughty smile? Here's what he must be up to: 

Mischievous that he is, he used to always pull my leg. (Ok, you probably will too, if I tell you why but hey, I'm possessive about my things, ok?!! :P) I have a specific plate and a specific spoon that I use in my house. No one else should use it and I definitely don't use anything else. And Hoppy, knowing this, just before I sit for my meal, will grab my plate and spoon and serve himself. And I scream at him and everyone else in the vicinity. :P Then I went away to England and Hoppy was bored. So, he turned on to my father and started doing everything that he does. He would want to sit in the same chair that my dad uses and drink tea from the same cup that he uses. So much so, that once, my mum was scared that both of them will break the chair and ordered two new, exactly same chairs for both of them. :P And if he is ever staying over, as soon as he hears my dad's bike come up inside our building, he'll go and sit next to my mum in front of the TV. Since, my dad always does that when he comes back home from work! 

Sigh. I don't want him to grow up at all! He seems to become taller and older and more mature everytime he comes here. And I wish he would just stay my baby and do silly, stupid things for us to re-capture our innocence for a few moments when we are with him!

This is him doing a silly dance pose for the camera at a cousin's wedding venue, after the ceremony was over. Hee.