Out of Sight, Out of Mind

I really like to know who came up with that saying. Bloody Idiot.

In the third season of SATC, Charlotte said that it takes a person 50% of the amount of time he/ she spent with their partner to get over the said partner. I wish it was true.

Even though my "relationship" lasted for about  3 months and the time we actually, physically spent together was not much more than one month, why is it that today, 4.5 months later, I still can't come to terms with the loss? Why is the pain still so raw that it can wet my pillow at nights? It should be easier, right? Especially, since we knew this is exactly how it'd be? It should be a lot easier than this. Should be.

But. It's not.

Dentist Dolours

Oh, the physical pain!! :( Had to go to a dentist yesterday. I'm sure I've mentioned my dislike for doctors of all sorts. And so far, dentists are the worst ones. Because they cause me physical pain. (That may also be because I've only been to a dentist, an orthopedic doctor and an opthalmologist before. And obviously, dentists have been the most intrusive of them all.) Anyway, needless to say, I have been quite traumatized since yesterday.

Well, to be fair, this time is going to be nothing compared to the last time I had to go to a dentist - about 7 years ago for a root canal treatment. (For obvious reasons, I took extra good care of my teeth ever since and thankfully, have never had to go back there again except for a couple regular check-ups. That is, until yesterday, of course.) But this time, I had to go there because the cap on my tooth came out and I have to get a new one made. So, really, nothing compared to the trauma of last time. But, even then, I got my mouth raped by a weird metallic instrument and a really yucky, gooey substance several times. And honestly, is it just me or does the dentist's chair really look like a monster with a long, long neck and a single eye at it's end, one long hand with a strange fixture attached to it and one shorter hand with several long fingers that can just about go to any lengths to make you uncomfortable? See, see, I'm not lying! Have a look yourself!

Ugh, gotta go there again today for trying the new cap. And probably one more time sometime later to get it fixed. Uff, the problems I have!! Sigh. :P

*picture courtesy: Google images

No one

Sometimes in life, you are all alone. Just you. And no one else by your side. And even if they were, you still feel alone. In spirit. All, all alone.

The X-files

Ghosts from the past ALWAYS return. And they ALWAYS come at a time when you are least expecting them, catching you off-guard, causing that stupid pit in your stomach. Oh, and did I mention they totally suck? Hmph.

So, I was just making dinner today and since I haven't eaten proper, real South Indian dishes (read Mumbai style South Indian dishes) in ages, I decided I'll put the ready dosa packet I had to good use and make some onion uttappa. Good plan. One down, one more to go. Ooooh, it tastes *so* good!! The second one, straight from the gas. Oooh, I have some cheese in the fridge. Must eat Cheese Onion Uttappa!!! It's going to be PERFECT!!!

And it was. Until I sunk my teeth in the thick layer of cheese spread on the uttappa. It came out of nowhere, my memory of sitting outside the Bandra Elco Market, eating the best cheese dosa in the world with my ex (Lets call him CPV for the Commitment Phobic V, shall we?) And even though it was a long time ago, even though I am no longer in love with him, even though I've mostly managed to lock up all the memories in a trunk and buried the trunk somewhere I don't want to remember, it hit me and I went all numb. CPV was the most serious and the longest relationship I've ever had. Both of us have commitment issues (Yes, dear reader, I'm not exactly the model for any matrimony or dating website adverts. But think about it. If I call HIM commitment phobic, exactly how much commitment phobic must he be!) And so, we broke up since the relationship was not going anywhere. I'd put quotation marks in the previous sentence except that it'd give the impression that he was the one who said it when it was actually me.

Now, don't get me wrong. It was wonderful while it lasted. Of course, we had our rough patches. But, mostly, it was lovely. And I have more good memories, like this one, than the bad ones. But sustaining the relationship was being more of a burden than a natural thing and the break-up was in order. Anyway, it surprised me that that particular memory would take me back in time, make me feel sick and bring me back to present, all in the span of less than thirty seconds. He shouldn't be having this impact on me now. I've been missing him less and less in the last 6 months and feeling better and better about the whole break-up thing. And then, the most innocuous thing like cheese makes me realise how some things might never change. No, I don't love him any more. But, it'll probably take a lot more time to get used to ordinary things without him. Sigh, such is life, dearies!