Too idealistic......Do I ask for too much?

My dad told me last night that I shouldn't get married. Sounds like FINALLY my parents have realised that it's ok to not get married and have kids before you can blink, right?!! But no, what he meant was, I shouldn't get married. Ever. Because I'm too idealistic. I ask for too much. A marriage is all about compromise and I won't be able to do that. Thus making both, myself and my partner unhappy. So, I shouldn't get married at all.

Wtf?

The whole discussion began from where, you know? From my PhD topic. Can you believe it?!! I was telling them about how I want to do post-feminism and popular fiction etc. And my dad said that he thinks all the feminist type people are a bit too much. I totally lost it and of course, I retaliated. *rant alert* Of course they are a bit too much. They have to be. Because of people like you. And people who think like you. If and when I marry someone, I intend to always be treated as an equal. Does that mean I'm asking for too much from my partner?

I will not dissolve my entire personality and go to live in his house, with his parents and adapt to their way of life. He doesn't have to do that. Why should I? I want to set up my own household, where both of us will together make new rules. [To my dad: Us making new rules WILL involve making compromises for me as well as him. So, I'm not scared of compromising or adjusting. I just have a problem with it if I'll be the only one doing it or I'll be the one changing 75-80% of my way of life while he only has to make some extra room in his drawers. That is what I mean by equality.]  I will expect my partner to share the household responsibilities. And mind you, I don't mean that he'll "help" me in household work. Because you help someone in THEIR work. If he lives in the house, it's his house as well. So, it's his duty as well to cook and clean. So, it's not "helping" me. It's doing his own fucking duty. If both of us work. If both of us earn money and stay out of the house to work, why would it be only me who cooks and cleans? My dad said: Relationships are not contracts. No, but they come quite close to being like contracts. I'm not going to make my partner sign an agreement about how he should cook on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and clean on the rest of the days or anything. But, if he expects me to do all the things all the time, he'll probably stop getting food until he realises I'm not the type. (Though, of course, these things will be pretty clear even before that stage comes. So, there'd be no question of that.) My dad totally told me off for thinking this way because things are not like that anymore. Doesn't he work and "help" mum in her household work? Of course he does. He makes tea for all of us and puts away the utensils and stuff. But, there are many times when we have a lot of relatives over at our place. And almost everyone knows how Indian system works. Guests are treated like royalty. So, they won't do anything. But, in out family, ALWAYS, all my aunts and female cousins will gather in the kitchen and start doing stuff along with my mum while the men all sit out and chat. So, the women will make food, serve the men first, then eat and then, clean the whole fucking thing up. While men sit, chat and eat. Why? What have the men done so much that they need to be treated like that? Have they just come back from ploughing 15 acres of farmland? Or from cutting down logs and logs of wood? Or have they all just had some kind of an accident? No. That's just how things work. And, my dad will never touch a thing in such situations. Because then, his (and my mum's) "reputation" will be ruined in front of all the family members and they'll gossip for years and years to come, all implicating that my mum is a bad, bad influence on my dad and she has totally wrapped him around her little finger. Coz you know, that's what women can do. Either be Virgin Marys or be the evil Komolikas. No grey shades allowed for them at all. And, believe it or not, this is 21st century Mumbai!

How can the "feminist types" not be too much? They have to be if they want to assert their individuality! But the moment they want to do that, they are told that they are too inflexible. They can't compromise and so, shouldn't get married at all! How about this father? I like my romance and sex. So, if I don't get married, I'll not just get it like I do now, but also flaunt it (because I don't like having a secret life that I have to hide from you to save your emotions and your precious "reputation"). Suits me. You tell me if it's alright with you.

I'm "fat" and I'm loving it!

No, this is not a disparaging post on McDonald's and obesity.

It's about me. I'm telling the world that I'm "fat" and loving it! Ok, ok. Those of you who know me might probably be ready to jump up on me and say "You are not fat!!!!! Bloody hell, you are tiny!!!" I agree. I'm tiny. And I certainly don't qualify to be called "fat". Actually, that word has so many politically incorrect connotations that nobody should be called "fat". Healthy, overweight, plump, obese even. But not fat.

So, then, the question arises, what the hell am I writing about? Well, I'm writing about my aunt, my uncle, my other aunt, my other uncle, my cousin, my other cousin, my parents even and a whole lot of other aunts and uncles and cousins from my large, super-extended (stretched out like a rubber band) Gujrati family, all gasping at how much weight I have put on in the last few months, ever since I came to the UK! I bet a lot of them must be thinking (and probably even saying out loud) that if this continues, it'll be difficult to find a good groom for me. This must stop!! I must excercise, work out, join a gym, eat a fruits-only diet, stop eating out, maybe just come back to India where I will generally feel less hungry because it's not as cold. Yes, right. Thank you all for your invaluable advice. What would I have ever done without you all?!!

Btw, may I point out to you all that I have put on a couple kilos of weight, my waist has gone from 26 to 28 and now, my figure doesn't look like a Barbie doll, I-would-fall-down-if-I-were-a-real-woman but rather, a little bit more proportioned. And most importantly, that I'm happy with it? I don't understand why a woman's beauty is associated with being thin!! I understand that I'm very short - just 5 feet tall, in fact and therefore, if I get too bloated up, I'll look like a balloon (which, btw, is not always necessarily bad!) But, I think I have a fine figure right now. The important thing is that I'm healthy - neither underweight and anorexic nor overweight and obese. That is what should be important. But, not to my nosy, interfering relatives all over Mumbai. They want me (and every other girl in the family) to be like one of those skinny model-types because that's the only concept of "beauty" they'd understand. Fair, flawless skin, skinny build and you never have to worry about the girl's marriage! *tight lipped smile you give people when you don't agree with them but CAN'T disagree with either because it's "not polite" to argue with elders* Gah. I just wish they'd leave me alone!

How do you uproot this absolutely stupid obsession with looks and a certain body-type? Especially for women. With men, everybody acknowledges that certain body-types are hot and preferred. But, if a man doesn't have that, at least he is not plagued by the WHOLE WORLD about how it'll hamper his future prospects. I don't know how many generations it'd take for my family to realise that! Moreover, media, with it's fascination for younger, thinner, fairer women doesn't help either. Don't my aunts and uncles remember how they used to drool over Asha Parekh in their youth? Probably still do. But if any girl from our family has the same body type, she'll immediately be relegated as "fat." And I'm not even going to start on the whole be-beautiful-and-thin-for-guys-to-like-you-for-marriage-because-marriage-is-everything-in-your-life crap.

Sigh. *shakes head in resignation and says "bade log, bade log"* :P