Arguments

Parents: No, you can't.

Me: Why not?

Parents: Don't ask questions. When we say you can't, you can't.

Me, in my head: Yeah, right. THAT is going to convince me. 
Me: Sorry. Too bad that I've grown up. I will do exactly what pleases me.

Parents: If we had been strict with you from the start, we'd never have had to see this day. Now you have no regards for our emotions or any respect for us. You take us for granted. You don't ask for permissions at all these days.

Me: Oh, if I knew asking for your permission would have changed your answer, I would. You are never sold on any of my ideas. So, I have little option but to go ahead and do it anyway. Plus, I like making my own decisions.
Me, in my head: They are almost always wrong but at least I have no regrets. Also, you must record those lines. You have used it one time too many. You know that they don't affect anymore, right? Of course, completely different matter that most of the things you say have stopped affecting me because... okay, must stop having dialogue with self. They are still going on about something.

Parents: And we mean nothing to you? Does asking us before making your decision make you feel smaller?

Me, in my head: No, it changes my fucking decisions. All that emotional attyachar and pressure. And mostly logical arguments.
Me: Dad, don't start going all Bollywood on me. I like doing spontaneous things and I feel I don't do them often enough. When an opportunity presented itself, I decided to take it. That's all.

...Blah...

Parents: We don't want to argue with you.

Me: Good, neither do I. I'm still doing exactly what I want to do.

Which, btw, is going to Delhi for 3 days to visit Akshardham. :) My cousin, who is studying Architecture, has to go there as she is writing her thesis on it or something. She wants company and I want out of this city, even if it's for 3 days. Admittedly I will be able to do nothing but see the route from Delhi station to Akshardham, Akshardham itself and the route back to the station. I still can't wait to get away from here. As you can imagine, my parents are so not happy with two girls going to Delhi on a totally unplanned trip. But it's exactly that part which is giving me the *proverbial* erection.

Too idealistic......Do I ask for too much?

My dad told me last night that I shouldn't get married. Sounds like FINALLY my parents have realised that it's ok to not get married and have kids before you can blink, right?!! But no, what he meant was, I shouldn't get married. Ever. Because I'm too idealistic. I ask for too much. A marriage is all about compromise and I won't be able to do that. Thus making both, myself and my partner unhappy. So, I shouldn't get married at all.

Wtf?

The whole discussion began from where, you know? From my PhD topic. Can you believe it?!! I was telling them about how I want to do post-feminism and popular fiction etc. And my dad said that he thinks all the feminist type people are a bit too much. I totally lost it and of course, I retaliated. *rant alert* Of course they are a bit too much. They have to be. Because of people like you. And people who think like you. If and when I marry someone, I intend to always be treated as an equal. Does that mean I'm asking for too much from my partner?

I will not dissolve my entire personality and go to live in his house, with his parents and adapt to their way of life. He doesn't have to do that. Why should I? I want to set up my own household, where both of us will together make new rules. [To my dad: Us making new rules WILL involve making compromises for me as well as him. So, I'm not scared of compromising or adjusting. I just have a problem with it if I'll be the only one doing it or I'll be the one changing 75-80% of my way of life while he only has to make some extra room in his drawers. That is what I mean by equality.]  I will expect my partner to share the household responsibilities. And mind you, I don't mean that he'll "help" me in household work. Because you help someone in THEIR work. If he lives in the house, it's his house as well. So, it's his duty as well to cook and clean. So, it's not "helping" me. It's doing his own fucking duty. If both of us work. If both of us earn money and stay out of the house to work, why would it be only me who cooks and cleans? My dad said: Relationships are not contracts. No, but they come quite close to being like contracts. I'm not going to make my partner sign an agreement about how he should cook on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and clean on the rest of the days or anything. But, if he expects me to do all the things all the time, he'll probably stop getting food until he realises I'm not the type. (Though, of course, these things will be pretty clear even before that stage comes. So, there'd be no question of that.) My dad totally told me off for thinking this way because things are not like that anymore. Doesn't he work and "help" mum in her household work? Of course he does. He makes tea for all of us and puts away the utensils and stuff. But, there are many times when we have a lot of relatives over at our place. And almost everyone knows how Indian system works. Guests are treated like royalty. So, they won't do anything. But, in out family, ALWAYS, all my aunts and female cousins will gather in the kitchen and start doing stuff along with my mum while the men all sit out and chat. So, the women will make food, serve the men first, then eat and then, clean the whole fucking thing up. While men sit, chat and eat. Why? What have the men done so much that they need to be treated like that? Have they just come back from ploughing 15 acres of farmland? Or from cutting down logs and logs of wood? Or have they all just had some kind of an accident? No. That's just how things work. And, my dad will never touch a thing in such situations. Because then, his (and my mum's) "reputation" will be ruined in front of all the family members and they'll gossip for years and years to come, all implicating that my mum is a bad, bad influence on my dad and she has totally wrapped him around her little finger. Coz you know, that's what women can do. Either be Virgin Marys or be the evil Komolikas. No grey shades allowed for them at all. And, believe it or not, this is 21st century Mumbai!

How can the "feminist types" not be too much? They have to be if they want to assert their individuality! But the moment they want to do that, they are told that they are too inflexible. They can't compromise and so, shouldn't get married at all! How about this father? I like my romance and sex. So, if I don't get married, I'll not just get it like I do now, but also flaunt it (because I don't like having a secret life that I have to hide from you to save your emotions and your precious "reputation"). Suits me. You tell me if it's alright with you.

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off!

Cool song, btw! Check it out! :)


But, I want to write this post on a more serious note. No, no, please don't go away!!! Come on, I promise I won't bore you. (in a small voice: too much) Ok, so, if all of you have abandoned me, then I'll just go ahead and talk to myself! ::pouts::


According to an article in Forbes, lying is good for you. "Hell, yeah!!" is what I say. Here's what they say:

If I told you lying was good for you, you probably wouldn’t believe me. But trust me--I’m not lying.

Simply put, we lie because it works. When we do it well, we get what we want.

We lie to avoid awkwardness or punishment. We lie to maintain relationships and please others. And, of course, most of all we lie to please ourselves. Whether we’re embellishing our credentials or strengthening our stories, we often tell untruths to make ourselves appear and feel better.

You know where I lie the most? To my parents. They think I'm their goody two-shoes daughter, who even though a bit rebellious, is essentially chaste. No alcohol, no nicotine, no grass, no sex. And I lie. To keep those beliefs intact. I used to lie because I was scared of them, scared of punishment. Now, I lie because I'm afraid of hurting them. They are just very conservative Indian parents scared for me. (Hell, they don't even let me wear sleeveless T-shirts or Bermuda shorts!) And since I'm an only child, and a girl to top that, they are naturally a bit too protective of me. I completely understand them. But, honestly, I can't stop BEING the way I am because they don't approve. Does that make me a horrible, horrible person? Actually, no it does not. But, the conditioning that we receive ever since we are 3 seconds old always plants that guilt in me. Just the other day, my parents were trying to video-chat with me and I had a massive hangover. So, I lied and told them that I was busy. Small deception compared to the fact that they don't even know I drink. But, I felt lousy about lying to them. I guess we all feel lousy when we lie to parents. But, do you have another option that will not break my parents' hearts AND let me live my life?

Besides, it's not like I have any addictions. Social drinker. And I've smoked and smoked up about twice in my life. Don't plan on changing that statistic for a long time anyway. You know, all in the right company, people I trust. And never in a place or to the extent that I wouldn't know or wouldn't be able to go back home safely. I agree mishaps can still happen. But mishaps can happen even when I'm perfectly sane and sober. I don't see the harm in a little bit of fun. Especially, if it happens less than once a month. So, I don't think I should be judged for that. Not that I care if anyone else judges me. The only people I care about are my parents. The problem is that my parents care if others judge me (because, ultimately, they'll be judging them by judging my upbringing.) So, since a=b and b=c, a=c and I have to take utmost care that nobody who knows my parents would know about my life. And oh, this is so tiring! (That is also the reason why blogging helps me a lot! Sigh, catharsis!)

Damn it, why is life so complicated! It'd be *SO* much easier if I didn't have this alternative life hidden away from my parents! But nooooooooooooooo! All that sanskar mumbojumbo and all! It won't matter then that I have had brilliant scores all throughout my education, won't matter that I respect people, won't matter that I still have enough humanity in me to want to help lesser-privileged people, won't matter that I mind my own buisness and don't judge people for being who they are, won't matter that I am a good human being. All that will matter is that I let them down by not following every single thing that they ever said to me.

Again, damn it. I sound like my parents chain me down to traditions or something. They don't! They are wonderful parents and more liberal than a lot of people's parents I know! But, I guess my personality clashes with a LOT of their values! It's like I live on the north pole and they live on the equator. We just don't get each other's concerns. Impossible to wrap our heads around something so other-worldly! Sigh, what does one do?

Oh, and see, I got so carried away! This was supposed to be a post on lying, not a justification of my relationship with my parents! Well, anyway, I hate the situation. But, for the time being at least, I can't even imagine telling them the truth. Maybe sometime in the future, when they trust my judgements more... Until then, lying and dishonesty are my friends.

PS: Incidentally, if you happen to know my parents (or worse, fall in the category of people who are not supposed to know this part of my life but somehow have not only found my blog but also figured out who I am,) I'd appreciate if a) you don't judge my parents for umm, what I've turned out to be and b) not mention this particular part of my life to them.

Ok, peace out!

*Pictures courtsey Google.