I am not alone!!

In feeling disoriented and depressed, I mean. Since my diary-entry of 25/03/2011 was so successful, I am going to make a diary entry for 26/03/2011 as well.. Which was a very, very good day. :)

First of, I FINALLY started learning Sanskrit. :) The teacher is a bit blah but I don't think I care just yet. I am doing something I have been wanting to do since ages and ages. And I could feel the thrill of learning a new language creep up on me slowly, the excitement of when I understood something, when I could say something that meant nothing to me a day ago and is something that is so frequently used today. Like "Aaam" means "Good bye". Or "Gacchami" means I am going. A new culture, history, story, flavour, which has slowly started enveloping me and spreading it's magic on me.I love learning new languages! :D

Then, I met Moon and one of our friends, PM, and we all went to a reeeeeally nice Goan cuisine restaurant in Colaba called Soul Fry Casa. Moon tried a veg. Thali and PM and I shared some roti, sabzi, dal, rice and we all had the best Aam Pannha and Sol Kadhi ever.After that, we went to Oxford bookstore, where there was a really nice little tea-cafe called Cha Bar and it had such an extensive variety of teas on it's menu and so reasonably priced, we were all in heaven! :D We had some Rum Tea, Passionfruit Tea and Peppermint tea, all of which were quite decent. Sitting, reading a book and drinking tea. It was so beautiful.

 

Moroccan Mint Tea - I love the way it's served

My Rum Tea ;)

 

Moon's Passionfruit Tea, her Archie's comic and the Cha Bar menu

Moon - She specifically asked me to mention that she does read more intelligent books as well. No comments from my side. :P

And the best part of the evening was yet to come after this. I met Bijli, a friend who is back from guess where? LEEDS!!!!! We talked for a long, long, loooooong time about our beautiful Leeds and how we are both going through the same things in our post-England life - depression, disorientation, hanging in the limbo, missing freedom and independence, going through the same old rutty things with our parents etc. And since she has only recently come back unlike me, who has been struggling with these things for sometime now, I was sagely giving her advice and telling her that it at least has the semblance of getting better with time. But it was so good to talk to someone who understands exactly what you are going through, who knows what you mean when you talk about a particular place or a particular habit or a particular attitude etc.

We walked down to the Land's End at Nariman point, watched the sunset and then walked back towards the station. And talked and talked and talked about Leeds and coming back to India and living in the crowded, hot, humid and noisy Mumbai. I readjusted myself quite quickly to this life here (even though I still hate the long hours of commute) but Bijli, never having lived in Mumbai before and just coming back after living 3 years in nice, little, green Leeds is finding it a bit more difficult.But it helped both of us immensely to talk about it and let it out, bit by bit. It's still not as if everything's okay now and we are happily going to accept our situation now. But, it was a sort of pseudo-catharsis, for the lack of a better word.

For some strange reason, this day, I accepted my reality (and, in a good way, not a hopeless last resort) a little bit more, fell in love with myself a little bit more and fell in love with both, Leeds and Mumbai a little bit more. I don't know how meeting Bijli did all this but it did. And I feel some happier. :)

Conclusion: Probably still bipolar but a happier than yesterday bipolar.

Manifestations of the Bipolar

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 1:00 pm

Nothing is the same anymore when your perspectives change, is it? Not Mumbai, not your family, not your friends, not Xavier's, nothing. Not even your favourite Cheese Palak Dosa from the college canteen. But the trick is to continue as if nothing has happened. Hoping that it will go back to the way it was. Hoping against hope that you will go back to the way you were. You know it will never happen. You have changed irrevocably. But, you hope. And the trick still is to continue as if nothing has happened. Smile, laugh, chat, gossip. Don't let anyone know that you are afraid. Because you are supposed to be strong. People who show emotions are weak. You go on as if you are sure. Sure that the direction you are moving in and the changes you are perceiving eveywhere are desirable. Initiated. By you. The trick is to go on as if nothing has changed.

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 2:30 pm

Sorry. That was a bit of a depression let out there. But it was brought on by the day I had up until then. So, I haven't mentioned it on the blog but I am doing an Intensive Teacher Training Course to teach French as a foreign language at Alliance Francaise, here in Bombay. It is only for two weeks, of which one is over. But it is extremely interesting and extremely tiring. 9 to 6, Monday to Friday plus 3-4 hours of commute everyday. Plus, reading big, fat books on Education in complicated, academic French and homework. It's been amazing but I can't wait for it to get over with already.

Anyway, I was a bit upset because I took a class and it was catastrophic. I mean, it actually went very well and I got a very nice, constructive feedback. But, at that moment, I was blue like the indigo (bad simile, yea! :/) and felt as if the world was collapsing at my feet. Yes, I am quite the drama queen. :P So, I was some upset. Anyway, that was the update bit.

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 10:15 pm

I haven't had so much fun in ages and ages! So, I took a bit of a class, just like everyone else and everyone else like me, too, was depressed and tired and blue. After the class, we had some time to ourselves before we attend a dinner that Alliance had organised for us. So, 5 of us girls went to Marine Drive and went absolutely crazy. I'm sure you have gone through this state of mind before, (mostly if you are a girl, maybe if you are a guy) but extreme fatigue + stress + distress = complete abandon and mad, drunken behaviour. We were all flirting with each other, spouting innuendos like nobody's business, gossiping maliciously and laughing like hyenas. Sigh. What amazing relaxants all these things are! :)

After the craziness, we went to Kebabchi restaurant in Colaba (in Gordon House, 3 floors above Polly Esther's.) The food was good, the ambience was good and the people were great! Only, those horrible yellow, blue and red lights gave me such a headache. :/ Maybe I'm growing old and can't take in all these things. :P The best thing, however, was the informal conversations we had with the Pedagogique Director of Alliance Francaise de Bombay (who, btw, is so cute, I want to bring him home and have babies with him) and the other profs - all in French. :) And with so much ease and comfort, so fluently, it surprised me. Pleasantly, of course. :)

I hadn't had such a nice, relaxed time forgetting everything else in quite a long, long time. :)

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 11:30 pm

But the problem with these moments of joy and nice time is just that. That they are simply moments and they pass. Happiness is no longer a state of being. It's a borrowed status.

Conclusion: Told ya. Bipolar.

Favourite Quotations

"In the midst of a winter, I finally learnt that there was in me an invincible summer."
"I'd rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is."
~ Albert Camus

"Each time liberty is in question, we are concerned, be we white, black, or yellow; and each time freedom is under siege, no matter where, I will engage myself completely." ~ Frantz Fanon.

"I've always been suspicious of collective truths."
"A critic should describe, and not prescribe" ~ Eugene Ionesco

"I prefer the absurdity of writing to the absurdity of not writing." ~ Wislawa Szymborska

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, the other falls spectacularly to pieces."
"Thank you, Daniel, that is very good to know. But if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussain's arse." ~ Bridget Jones's Diary.

"It's really hard to walk in single women's shoes. That's why, you sometimes need really special shoes."
"But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." ~ Sex and the City

"I solemnly swear that I'm upto no good." ~ George Weasly, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

"Those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it."
"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on the earth should that mean it's not real?" ~ Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

"Guys can fake it?!! Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!"
"Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?"
~ Monica, F.R.I.E.N.D.S.


"I still want to be me when I wake up one fine morning and have breakfast at Tiffany's." - Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany's.