Tareekh Pe Tareekh, Tareekh Pe Tareekh!

I am not going to state the obvious. You all know it's been long. A bit too long. 9 months to be precise.

No, I wasn't too busy to write. And no, I wasn't having a "writer's block" either. And I had lots of things to write about too. Just no willingness to pen it down. Plus a massive inferiority complex about how silly this blog is.

Anyway. I think I am over it. Today, when I opened my account for something else altogether, I read Nefertiti's recent posts, June's happy news and HG's rants and suggestions and I realised that I really, really want to write again. :) Even if it's terrible. Even if nobody reads it. Even if no one cares. What is important is that I want to write. Thanks, guys! :)

So, what have I been upto in the last few months?

Well, I worked. I studied. I fought with my parents. I went through a bad break-up. I met up with friends. I watched a few movies. I read some books. I loved and hated my kids. I loved and hated my colleagues. I breathed in. I breathed out.

I did the most normal of the things. Went through phases - some really rough patches in school - and survived them. Still hate one of my colleagues with a passion. But it's all a part of the game.

Went through some other really rough patches in my personal life too. But even that is a part of the game, I guess.

Right now, I think I am in a better place than I have been in the last few months. (Of course, that has to do a lot with the summer holidays in school, but what the hell, eh? :P) I have finished with the Sanskrit course and so, if I pass these exams, I will have a second MA by the end of the next month. Pretty cool, right? :D What is cooler, though, is that the end of the course frees up a lot of my time. :D

With this new found free time, I have been socializing quite a bit. :) I have met lots of new, interesting people. I organised my second Free Hugs Campaign in Bombay last week. I attended a Couchsurfing meet where we cooked and organised a whole dinner at the host's place. I learnt how to ride a bicycle. (Hey, better late than never, right?) I joined dance classes.

I am preparing for a PhD application and hopefully, I will see this proposal through. I am really hoping that by August 2014, I will be in the US doing some kick ass research. :) What with the summer holidays, I am living quite the degenerated, student lifestyle of staying up until 2 in the night, waking up by 10, lazing around, reading, spending irrational amounts of time on various social networking sites, flopping down on the couch and watching TV and doing minimal work. I think I am totally ready for going back to that again. :P

I also took a fair few trips in the last year - Bangalore in June 2012, Kutchh in November 2012, Calcutta in February 2013, Nashik in May 2013 and now, going to Panhala next week. The one place I couldn't get enough of was Calcutta. It was wonderful. And 4 days were just not enough. Can't wait until I get a chance to go back again. (Maybe I should write a post about it!)

The Big Question: Will I write soon again or was this a one-off post like the last one?
I don't really know. I guess we will find out.

Until then,
Very happy to be back,
Star!

Poems

My stint at Xavier's coming to an end soon, I applied for a job at a school, here in South Bombay. Luckily, I got selected after just one demo class. So, congratulations are in order once more. :)

So, come May, I will be an English Literature teacher at School B. And I'm pretty excited for this. The same prof, whom I'm covering for at Xavier's right now recommended me to the school and told me about the position available. Cool, eh? :)

Why Poems, you ask?

Because, for my demo class I was asked to do an unseen poem with the students. Thus, I got to researching, bringing out all my old poetry books et al. Finally, I selected I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou because Angelou is an important figure in literature and I wanted to introduce them to some African American literature. But during all that researching, I discovered and rediscovered some gems of poetry and wanted to share that with you all:

1. Refusal ~ Maya Angelou    

Beloved, In what other lives or lands Have I known your lips Your Hands Your Laughter brave Irreverent. Those sweet excesses that I do adore. What surety is there That we will meet again, On other worlds some Future time undated. I defy my body's haste. Without the promise Of one more sweet encounter I will not deign to die. It's just so beautiful a sentiment, so well-expressed and so touching! Most of us (well, girls, at least. I don't know about boys.) know how important it is to meet that one last time before saying good-bye. And that sentiment has been captured with such lovely and tragic imagery here. It's become one of my absolute favourites. And this is saying something because in general, I don't much like poetry as a medium.

2. He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven ~ W. B. Yeats

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. 

I was discussing the previous poem with Moon when she remembered this one from our poetry class with Chhaya Mam from 5 years ago. I came back home and immediately googled it and got it back. Some poems just take your breath away with the lovely images that they paint for you and this is one of them.

3. We Real Cool ~ Gwendolyn Brooks

The Pool Players.
Seven at the Golden Shovel.

We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.

This was the second poem I did with the students during my demo class. I used it to show the students how two very different voices came from the African-American community during the same time in mid-20th century and how they brought out two completely different aspects of their way of life and their relation with the rest of the society. This one is so poignant and dark, it gave me goosebumps when I read it. And so, this one also goes in along with the other "favourite poems". 

There are a few more that I really like. Some poems by poets like e e cummings, Ogden Nash, Alexander Pope, Jonathan Swift, Eunice D'Souza, T. S. Eliot, W. B. Yeats and sometimes even some Elizabethan (16th century) and Romantic (early 19th century) poets are included in the list of poems/ poets I like. I hope you liked these ones and that these names inspire you to go and research and read a few yourself. :)

The Big News

Subtitled: Twenty-fucking-three

So, I turned twenty-three yesterday. (And no, that's not the big news.) I know most of you who read this blog will hate me for being so young and then, for cribbing about growing old. But dude, honestly. I feel so old. :/Like, it was all okay until I was 22. But 23 is a big deal. Scary.

Eh. Anyway. I had a lovely day yesterday! :) Involving flowers and chocolates, tea and cupcakes, shopping and jewellery, cheese dosa, kamrakh (star-fruit; my favourite!), lots of books and lovely cards! :) And crazy surprises from two of my cousins. So much fun. I wish I could have birthdays without having to grow old. *sigh*

So, big news. :D 2012 has started off with a loud bang for me. I've not felt happier than I am right now in a bloody long time. Remember my 30 before 30 list? Well, I have been scratching things off that list for some time now. Also, daresay, some things on the list itself have changed and I might have to edit it or make a whole new list. But for now, I have news about having scratched an important thing off it. Something that I didn't think was possible until I turned 28-29. Or 30 even.
27. Teach at Xavier's. Even if it is only as a visiting faculty or filling in for someone.

Chhaya Mam (my favourite prof from our college) called me a few days ago and asked me if I can cover for her for the next 2 months, teaching her First Year and Third Year students Literature as she has to urgently go on a medical leave. Luckily for me, I had only one batch of students that I teach in the evening going on at the moment. So, I could take up that opportunity and I started immediately. :) The best part is that I'm teaching Modern Drama and Film - my favourite subjects from college! Mam remembered that and decided it'll be best if I covered that. I feel *so* lucky!


I remember entering Xavier's for the first time and being totally awed by the first quad(rangle) and the chapel. Here, I have felt a sense of belongingness I've never felt elsewhere - not in school, not in Leeds and not at any of the places I've worked. And last week, when I entered college as a teacher for the first time, I felt the same sense of wonder and pride. I love my college. :) It's so true, Xavier's gave me my roots and my wings. (Ref: Xavier's anthem: Xavier's, you gave me roots and wings...) So, I could take flight, go abroad, learn a lot of things. But it also gave me the roots which have always made me want to come back here. I hope I can do full justice to my role as a teacher.


Wish me luck! :)

Update

1. Still unemployed.

2. Still a student doing one of the most unemployable degrees in the world once again - MA in Sanskrit Lit.

3. Still the stupid girl who never learns from her previous mistakes.

Week one of Isolation: Not so Isolated

Sunday: Spent with family. At least I was on Marine Drive.

New Dress from Colaba Causeway :)

Monday: Work. Went to the Oxford Store in Churchgate to read and chill in the lovely Cha Bar there, went shopping - Colaba Causeway, walked around to the Gateway of India and got a haircut.

This, btw, is what my hair used to look like. *Sigh* I'm still in the I-miss-my-long-hair mode even though my current look is not exactly short hair. 

Tuesday: Work. Watched Hangover 2. My one line of criticism: Hangover 2 is to Thailand what Sex and the City 2 was to Abu Dhabi. But it was a hundred times more watchable than SATC 2.

Wednesday: Work. Listened to the Beatles, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Evanescence. Really Random, yes. (But at least isolation, unlike the last 3 days)

Thursday: Holiday. Slept. (Read, nothing remarkable.) But again - isolation. Good.

My Baking Paraphernelia. Not enough for me AT ALL

Friday: Holiday. Revisited the pleasures of baking - baked a well-turned out chocolate cake and miserably failed at baking chocolate chip cookies and olive bread. I really need a real oven. Isolation too. Good day.

Chocolate Cake with Chocolate sauce and fresh cherries

Saturday: Baked a fabulously turned out Apple-Cinnamon cake. Made pakoras and chai while it was raining and made orgasmic sounds while eating them.

Hot onion pakoras! :D

Sunday: Cooked Pasta and baked another chocolate cake.

I am not alone!!

In feeling disoriented and depressed, I mean. Since my diary-entry of 25/03/2011 was so successful, I am going to make a diary entry for 26/03/2011 as well.. Which was a very, very good day. :)

First of, I FINALLY started learning Sanskrit. :) The teacher is a bit blah but I don't think I care just yet. I am doing something I have been wanting to do since ages and ages. And I could feel the thrill of learning a new language creep up on me slowly, the excitement of when I understood something, when I could say something that meant nothing to me a day ago and is something that is so frequently used today. Like "Aaam" means "Good bye". Or "Gacchami" means I am going. A new culture, history, story, flavour, which has slowly started enveloping me and spreading it's magic on me.I love learning new languages! :D

Then, I met Moon and one of our friends, PM, and we all went to a reeeeeally nice Goan cuisine restaurant in Colaba called Soul Fry Casa. Moon tried a veg. Thali and PM and I shared some roti, sabzi, dal, rice and we all had the best Aam Pannha and Sol Kadhi ever.After that, we went to Oxford bookstore, where there was a really nice little tea-cafe called Cha Bar and it had such an extensive variety of teas on it's menu and so reasonably priced, we were all in heaven! :D We had some Rum Tea, Passionfruit Tea and Peppermint tea, all of which were quite decent. Sitting, reading a book and drinking tea. It was so beautiful.

 

Moroccan Mint Tea - I love the way it's served

My Rum Tea ;)

 

Moon's Passionfruit Tea, her Archie's comic and the Cha Bar menu

Moon - She specifically asked me to mention that she does read more intelligent books as well. No comments from my side. :P

And the best part of the evening was yet to come after this. I met Bijli, a friend who is back from guess where? LEEDS!!!!! We talked for a long, long, loooooong time about our beautiful Leeds and how we are both going through the same things in our post-England life - depression, disorientation, hanging in the limbo, missing freedom and independence, going through the same old rutty things with our parents etc. And since she has only recently come back unlike me, who has been struggling with these things for sometime now, I was sagely giving her advice and telling her that it at least has the semblance of getting better with time. But it was so good to talk to someone who understands exactly what you are going through, who knows what you mean when you talk about a particular place or a particular habit or a particular attitude etc.

We walked down to the Land's End at Nariman point, watched the sunset and then walked back towards the station. And talked and talked and talked about Leeds and coming back to India and living in the crowded, hot, humid and noisy Mumbai. I readjusted myself quite quickly to this life here (even though I still hate the long hours of commute) but Bijli, never having lived in Mumbai before and just coming back after living 3 years in nice, little, green Leeds is finding it a bit more difficult.But it helped both of us immensely to talk about it and let it out, bit by bit. It's still not as if everything's okay now and we are happily going to accept our situation now. But, it was a sort of pseudo-catharsis, for the lack of a better word.

For some strange reason, this day, I accepted my reality (and, in a good way, not a hopeless last resort) a little bit more, fell in love with myself a little bit more and fell in love with both, Leeds and Mumbai a little bit more. I don't know how meeting Bijli did all this but it did. And I feel some happier. :)

Conclusion: Probably still bipolar but a happier than yesterday bipolar.

Manifestations of the Bipolar

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 1:00 pm

Nothing is the same anymore when your perspectives change, is it? Not Mumbai, not your family, not your friends, not Xavier's, nothing. Not even your favourite Cheese Palak Dosa from the college canteen. But the trick is to continue as if nothing has happened. Hoping that it will go back to the way it was. Hoping against hope that you will go back to the way you were. You know it will never happen. You have changed irrevocably. But, you hope. And the trick still is to continue as if nothing has happened. Smile, laugh, chat, gossip. Don't let anyone know that you are afraid. Because you are supposed to be strong. People who show emotions are weak. You go on as if you are sure. Sure that the direction you are moving in and the changes you are perceiving eveywhere are desirable. Initiated. By you. The trick is to go on as if nothing has changed.

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 2:30 pm

Sorry. That was a bit of a depression let out there. But it was brought on by the day I had up until then. So, I haven't mentioned it on the blog but I am doing an Intensive Teacher Training Course to teach French as a foreign language at Alliance Francaise, here in Bombay. It is only for two weeks, of which one is over. But it is extremely interesting and extremely tiring. 9 to 6, Monday to Friday plus 3-4 hours of commute everyday. Plus, reading big, fat books on Education in complicated, academic French and homework. It's been amazing but I can't wait for it to get over with already.

Anyway, I was a bit upset because I took a class and it was catastrophic. I mean, it actually went very well and I got a very nice, constructive feedback. But, at that moment, I was blue like the indigo (bad simile, yea! :/) and felt as if the world was collapsing at my feet. Yes, I am quite the drama queen. :P So, I was some upset. Anyway, that was the update bit.

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 10:15 pm

I haven't had so much fun in ages and ages! So, I took a bit of a class, just like everyone else and everyone else like me, too, was depressed and tired and blue. After the class, we had some time to ourselves before we attend a dinner that Alliance had organised for us. So, 5 of us girls went to Marine Drive and went absolutely crazy. I'm sure you have gone through this state of mind before, (mostly if you are a girl, maybe if you are a guy) but extreme fatigue + stress + distress = complete abandon and mad, drunken behaviour. We were all flirting with each other, spouting innuendos like nobody's business, gossiping maliciously and laughing like hyenas. Sigh. What amazing relaxants all these things are! :)

After the craziness, we went to Kebabchi restaurant in Colaba (in Gordon House, 3 floors above Polly Esther's.) The food was good, the ambience was good and the people were great! Only, those horrible yellow, blue and red lights gave me such a headache. :/ Maybe I'm growing old and can't take in all these things. :P The best thing, however, was the informal conversations we had with the Pedagogique Director of Alliance Francaise de Bombay (who, btw, is so cute, I want to bring him home and have babies with him) and the other profs - all in French. :) And with so much ease and comfort, so fluently, it surprised me. Pleasantly, of course. :)

I hadn't had such a nice, relaxed time forgetting everything else in quite a long, long time. :)

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 11:30 pm

But the problem with these moments of joy and nice time is just that. That they are simply moments and they pass. Happiness is no longer a state of being. It's a borrowed status.

Conclusion: Told ya. Bipolar.

While Travelling: I Observe and I Think (albeit, without much success)

1. London airport is a lot quieter than Mumbai airport.
2. Mums love embarrassing their kids everywhere. I thought it was true only for me. 
3. There are way too many pigeons in England. And they are really fat as well. Maybe they have more feathers to keep them warm? Hmmm. Answers my next question, which was going to be 'Don't they feel cold?!!' They are also very stupid. All of them kept pecking at this piece of stone in turns. Even after realising several times over that it's nothing edible. Stupidity aside though, they are really brave. Not at all afraid of freely roaming around amongst people and in case of one particular pigeon, flying in their faces. And over my head as well. Which gave me the fright of my life. Evidently, I've spent a lot more time observing the pigeons than the people here. But also, talking about birds and fearless pigeons has now reminded me of the film The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock. Which was one the most traumatising experience in my entire life. Don't watch, people. Also, talking about The Birds, I've been reminded of a teacher I used to have when I was about 10. To keep the boys from hurting the sparrows, she said that if we hurt one, they all come in flocks to peck at us and hurt us. Gosh, it gave me night mares for days after that. What a horrible lie to tell kids, even if it was for them to not hurt someone. Since I'm talking about birds and unpleasant things, a few days ago, I dreamt that I sat on a pigeon and killed it. ::shudder:: This is the longest I've ever spent thinking or writing about birds. It can be a whole post by itself.
4. And I saw a girl at the London coach station, sitting on her pink, floral suitcase, with her pink backpack, painting her nails. And I immediately categorized her as a certain type of people before reminding myself that a) I'm being very mean and small and unfair. And b) I love pink myself. Even though I'd never buy pink bags and suitcases, I have loads and loads of pink tops and pink nailpaints. 
5. Dark clouds have silver linings. Literally.
6. London is such an extremely pretty city!
7. National Express coach rides from London to Leeds (Ok, anywhere to anywhere) are EXTREMELY boring. 
8. Extremely seems to be my new favourite word.
9. I'm running out of things to write. It doesn't seem like I'm very good at the whole observe and think thing. 

Well, anyway, to update on things, I'm in Leeds and have already met with S, Atom, JD, Grace and all my ex-housemates. And it has been lovely! :D I'm happy to be back in Leeds. It feels like I am back after a holiday rather than this being my holiday. Oh, I'm going to be very disappointed when these 10 days will be over. But hey, I'm not going to think of that just yet. :) 

Update!

Firstly, I'm sorry I haven't posted for so long! I won't even bother with the excuses. However, here are the updates about what's going on in my life:

• I'm back from N Ireland and it was gorgeous!!!! S even said that it was more beautiful than the Republic of Ireland. We had rented a car and so, we just drove along the east coast of N Ireland and even though it was grey and rainy and foggy, everything looked so amazing, I can only imagine how it would be when it's nice and sunny!
• Secondly, since the boy who was subletting his room to me for the summer is now here, I had to shift out from my room (Notice how it's "my" room, not his :P) and into the small guest bedroom. Packing up 12 months of your life is not easy. This room is so small, there is no cupboard and there are 2 suitcases and a box occupying my floor space. So, I have nowhere to walk. I jump into the bed immediately after getting in the room. Now, someone is coming on Sunday to live in this room and so, I have to move out of this room as well. Sigh. I'm tired of living out of a suitcase already. 
• I watched a really good production of As You Like It in a local theatre with a bunch of my house-mates. I will try and post more details and a review on the blog, just in case it ever comes to a theatre near you. :)
• I attended the Aamir Khan interview with a bunch of friends! He's absolutely delicious! But apart from that, he was really charming and answered all the audience questions quite well. :) I wasn't disappointed at all! :) And then, we saw Peepli [Live]. It's a good and well-made film. If you haven't watched it yet, you should. 
• Speaking of watching Bollywood films, I finally watched Raavan and O.M.G. It's AWESOME. I mean, I expected it to be good because it's Mani Ratnam. But, I was a bit put-off by negative reviews to be honest. I finally watched it and whoever thinks Ramayana is a big, black-and-white tale of good versus evil, watch this for the other side of the story. I mean, there is always a possibility of that, isn't there? I grew up listening to tales from the Ramayana and the Mahabharata. But I seriously doubt if I'd like to tell my children the same bed-time stories. Simply because it distorts your views and opinions completely.
• It's getting colder. It's getting darker earlier. Leaves are changing colour. It depresses me and I'm leaving at the right time. :) I can't wait to get back home! 
• I made an Italian meal for Sara, JD and Rose (my friends from the Bollywood module) yesterday since Sara is leaving soon. And I made a perfect Risotto. So, I'm quite proud of myself. :D :P I also made a spicy martini, deadly cocktail. I was tipsy after just one glass. :P And I had 3 or 4. :P I still managed to clean up everything well so that the land-lady doesn't have a problem. Yay! But we had a lot of fun. We all talked mostly about boys and porn. Ok, too much information. But, Rose made us all talk to her partner and since we were all drunk, we made inappropriate statements and finally, he told Rose to be safe in the house full of crazy, mad women. Ha! I like it when men feel threatened by us. :P

Ok, I think that's all for now. I shall write soon, with pictures from N Ireland and of Aamir Khan! :D Until then, au revoir!