Shakespeare

1. Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
More than cool reason ever comprehends.


~ Theseus, A Midsummer Night's Dream.


2. Love is merely a madness, and I tell you, deserves as well a dark house and a whip as madmen do; and the reason why they are not so punished and cured is that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers are in love too.


~ Rosalind, As You Like It.


3. Alas, that love, so gentle in his view
Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof.


~ Benvolio, Romeo and Juliet.


4. Men have died from time to time and worms have eaten them, but not for love.


~ Rosalind, As You Like It.


Shakespeare sure had some right notions about love.

The Second Free Hugs

Last Sunday, 12th June was the International Couchsurfing Day. And for the second time in my life, I had the pleasure of participating in a Free Hugs event. The first time was last May, also as a Couchsurfing event.

This time, the event was held at the Gateway of India and at Marine Drive. When a fellow couchsurfer put up on the forum that we should do "something" on International CS day, he suggested Free Hugs as an option. But I guess everybody was apprehensive about whether it'd be a good idea or not in Bombay. So, they refrained from saying anything more than "We're in, whatever the plan. Let us know." Finally, (thankfully too) a Free Hugs event was decided on.

To be very honest, even I wasn't entirely sure of how it'd go and I really hoped that there wouldn't be any ugly scenes or anything. To top it all, I was the only girl from the Forum to be there. But, I have blind faith in CS. Not only do I find it safe, I've always seen that CS manages to lift up my spirits and restore my optimism. It's in the philosophy of trusting, sharing and exchanging that the faith rests. Of course, it doesn't give me best friends forever and all. But it gives me a hope that if a bunch of strangers can trust, come together and spend time - whether it's a heritage walk around the city, a sit-down dinner and a chat, a hike or an evening of hugging random people on the road - the world's innocence is still alive somewhere. In fact, at the end of the day, one of the guys even dropped me home in his car. I was meeting him for the first time but I had no qualms going alone with him. You might call me stupid but this is the kind of faith I have in CS. I'm not saying there are no bad experiences there. But the percentage is just very little.


And about the Free Hugs, what can I say? The experience was extremely liberating. We baffled many people, scared many people and made many people happy. :) But more importantly for me, this time, I made myself happ(y) (-ier than I have been in the last 6 months or so). Plus, there are probably at least 5 new CS-ers in the world today, thanks to us! ;) Also, I met many like-minded people, some of whom, I absolutely adored! Such genuine, nice people. :)

And as far as my worries about unpleasant experiences were concerned, when I was surrounded by 14 awesome boys, I didn't even notice any lewd glance that might have come my way! :)

Okay, moral of the story: Couchsurfing Rocks! :D

"I haven't been tempted even for a moment."

So, I was talking to S after a long, long time yesterday and it almost made me cry. I am not sure if I have mentioned this before but S and M have been engaged for a while now and are planning a May wedding. S is just so happy with M and planning her wedding is probably the biggest headache of her life but she is still so blissfully happy. There is no end to the amount of problems she is having because of this relationship and this wedding. She kept telling me that she would never have survived it if it wasn't for M's love. And frankly I tell her that even with all the love, I wouldn't have been able to survive it. That's when she smiled and glowingly told me that one sentence which shook me to the core: "I haven't been tempted even for a moment."

S is American, M is Italian and they met in England when M was working there. Now, M has got business in Italy and has to move there. S is a scholarship student in England and so, will have a long, bureaucratic process involving never ending papers and visits to various consulates so that she can move to Italy with M. S has got an ENORMOUS family in New York and so, she only wants to get married there. But, M's mother is very old fashioned and believes that the ceremony should only happen in Italy because they are the boy's family. (ugh.) And anyway, there are some complications because of the whole internationality of it because of which they need to get married legally in Italy first and only then go to America for the actual wedding. (phew. That was complicated even to write. Can't imagine it happening to someone.)  They have no clue how long the bureaucratic process will take, when can they legally get married, if they can happily get married in New York, when can M apply for a visa to America and when can they actually have the ceremony. And in the middle of all this extremely fatiguing mess, M's sister hates S. And when I say hate, I mean HATE. Like, she vindictively hates her. Everything that happens is somehow S's fault. So much so, that the sister is in the fifth year of a 3-year PhD programme and even that is somehow, S's fault. Even though S met M exactly a year ago.

But in the end, it is not all this that matters. What really matters is that S has not been temped even for a moment. That is what I want for myself. Not to be tempted even for a moment. 

That time of the year again...

So, tomorrow's THAT day again. And of course, I am single. Again. But let's not go there.

And I also don't want to rant against commercializing of every living object on the surface of the earth (and non-living and abstract ones as well), rendering love to be a product rather than an emotion. And I most definitely don't want to write stupid, mushy, lovey-dovey things about love being the most beautiful emotion in the world blah di blah di blah. Nor do I want to write about my love for my family, my friends, my city, my country and others' countries. Coz I will end up writing about loving Sun and Moon and I think everyone has had too much of that by now. Or I will write about loving and missing England and by God, people have had too much of that too. So then, what should I write about?

Maybe I will write an anti-Valentine's Day post. But I am not that cynical or pessimistic yet. Correction - I am no longer that cynical or pessimistic. I don't have anything against people celebrating love. And I most definitely don't believe that I will die old and lonely living with cats. So, no anti-Valentine's Day post either.

Maybe I will write about my poor, pathetic, little single self after all. This wallowing business has gone on for too long now. But I will indulge myself this one time. And so, maybe, I shall write about.......................things I miss about having a boyfriend:

• The hugs that make you feel so safe as if nothing can touch you or harm you at all so long as you have those arms around you.
• Surprise kisses, especially, kisses on the forehead.
• Holding hands.
• The look on his face when you bake him a chocolate cake or cook his favourite meal.
• Kissing and making up.
• Surprise gifts without any occasions. (Though, Moon often makes sure I don't miss this one too much, bless her. :P)
• Waking up next to him and watch him sleep.
• Calling each other up for no reason, talking for a long time and then missing him the moment we hang up.
• The most important thing of all - Being loved by that someone special.

Well, Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. This year, on this day, all I will say is that I hope people will realize that they need to celebrate their love on this day, not Archies/ Hallmark/ gift shops.

Kuch Khatte, Kuch Meethe! :)

Mums are a strange, strange species. Especially mine. She's unique. She deserves the weirdest person on the Earth award really! Sometimes (about 5% of the time she spends with me) she is so loving and at other times (the rest of the 95% time she spends with me,) she is so bitter and snappy and she keeps screaming at me! 

For instance, when I was in England during the summer and didn't get to eat any mangoes this year, she froze a lot of mango pulp for me so that when I come back, I could have that and don't miss out on it. She cooked all my favourite dishes for me as soon as I came back as she hasn't cooked for me since over a year. She offered to buy me a ticket to go back to Leeds for my graduation ceremony as a gift for getting First class in MA. But, on the other hand, she keeps screaming at me for not waking up on time and about how she slaves and slaves for us, cooking things we like and taking care of the house and how nobody cares etc etc etc! 

Life is full of sweet and sour moments. I wonder if we'd appreciate the sweet moments without having experienced and knowing about the sour ones. But, now that I've just come back from England, after a whole year of blissful independence, it is very difficult to control myself when I feel my mum is screaming at me unfairly! I do appreciate all her efforts a lot more now. But I also don't like being screamed at all the time. :/ Wattodo?!!!

Memories

Have you ever got one of those text forwards which says "Memories are strange. They make you laugh at times when you cried and they make you cry at times when you laughed."

This is so true! Now, when I think back of the day I was so upset because our crazy old landlady, Ms. Memo (Thank you, Atom for the name! :P) had screamed at me for no reason at all, I don't feel any of the hurt I had felt that day. Or when I think of the times I and S were upset with each other over some issues or when Moon had burst out crying coz her then boyfriend had threatened her with some ridiculous thing or when I was so upset over my B.A. results or when I was upset that CPV hadn't called yet or that my mum keeps screaming at me all the time, it all seems so silly and frivolous. I want to laugh out really loudly when I think about how I (or others) cried at some of those moments. However, the moment I start thinking of the good times together, my heart aches for those times again and my eyes fill up!

I remember how Sun, Moon and I used to chat about inconsequential things and laugh and laugh until our sides ached. I remember how Moon and I used to go to chowpatty and Marine Drive and just sit and stare at the sea. I remember how Sun and I used to bitch about a certain professor of ours in our final year at Xavier's. I remember how S and I used to bake together while exchanging our relationship notes and plan our trips together, always spending much more than we intended to but also having lots of fun together. I remember how I wouldn't even crib to wake up at 4:45 am to go to Xavier's for English lectures. I remember how Atom used to call me the sunshine of the house and other soppy but extremely fuzzy, warm things. I remember how he would notice small things about me and tell me he would miss them, like the way my accent takes on an American twang when I say certain words. I remember how JD, Kyra, Sara and I would talk about Bollywood (amongst other scandalous things :P) and dance on songs like Emotional Atyachar and Munni Badnam. I remember how both my cousins used to be such adorable babies at one time and how they have grown up to be brats who love to both, annoy as well as love me! I remember how Ruhi and Curly, my ex-flatmates, used to laugh at my silliness when I would take pictures of everything that I cooked!

And I wish I had all these people right around me, all the time. Because these people made my life bearable and liveable a lot of times. And these people made my life a happy and contented place many more times. I would have been quite lost without all these people. I feel blessed to have people like these in my life. :)

Feeling the loue!!!

Hello peoples!!! Guess where I'm writing from? MUMBAI!!!! Home, baby! ;)

It's great to be back home! It does feel a bit surreal, like nothing has changed here but at the same time, nothing's same either. But, it still does feel very nice to be back! :) Do you know how many people came to receive me at the airport? About 12 million! :P Well, ok, this time, my hyperbole is being hyperbolic. But, about 12 people came on the airport! It was like I'm coming back from the Moon or something! Speaking of which, Moon was there and she said some of the sweetest things possible! Like, "My life is 66% perfect now! And the rest 33% is in the New Zealand!" (I'm sure you all know this, but I'd still elaborate. Sun is in New Zealand and very jealous at the moment that Moon and I are together once again and she is still there with no clue as to what's next!) So, anyway, Moon and I hugged for a long long time and we were very happily the happies! :D Of course, my parents were there and 3 of my uncles, 2 aunts and 4 cousins! And then, my grandfather (my mum's father) and my uncle and aunt called me to say that I am to come and meet them on the way back home, even if it's only for 15 minutes. And then, my other grandfather talked to me on the phone and made me promise that I'll come to meet him the first thing in the morning! One of my aunts had made moong daal khichdi (a sort-of lentil and rice porridge) with dahi kadhi: my favourite dish! Yes, she brought that at the airport and fed it to me (ahan, ahan, by fed, I mean, FED) and my mum had made a special mint and peru juice that I really like and everyone was hugging me and giving me cards and everything! I, on the other hand, was so dazed, that I was first just bawling like a baby (omg, all I had to do was hug my mother for one second and off I go, like a shotgun! Uff, these emotional girls! hmph. :/ :P) and then, all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. In my room. My green and yellow room, with the beautifully painted wall done by Udu, my cousin. I know it sounds very ungrateful, but I just wanted everyone except my parents and Moon to go away. But, I did honestly appreciate how much everyone loves me! :)

Even before I left, I was staying with Misty in London for a couple days and on my last evening there, she threw me a surprise farewell party that she had planned along with another mutual friend! I was so touched!  Needless to say, everyone in Leeds came to meet me at my farewell party there and I was all teary-eyed several times during the course of the evening! It's difficult, having two lives, both of which you love equally! But, at the same time, it's good knowing that there are people who love you, no matter where you go! :)

The Celestial Goddesses memories

This one's another post dedicated to us, The Celestial Goddesses: Sun, Moon and me, Star! (:P - it's my blog and I decide the names) Besides, they fit!! Sun brings, you know, sunshine and light to my and Moon's life; Moon is cool, calm, composed most of the time when Sun and I are, you know, spouting fire (:P); and well, I'm just a Star, only in the sense, you know, that I'm tiny and keep twinkling. *ahem ahem* Really.
Look look, you two!! Isn't this awesome for us?!! :D I got this picture from a tattoo parlour brochure and I swear, if I ever get a tattoo, this is the one I'll get! ::eyes shining, sings lalalala and draws hearts and music notes::

Anyhooo, this post is supposed to be about our memories!! As everyone on this planet knows, (well, people who know us are what constitute our planet, right?) the time we spent together has been the best time of my life ever! The most cherished of our times together though would be our sleep-overs at each other's. We would mostly watch some or the other films or Sex and the City episodes (we are EXACTLY like the SATC foursome except that we are a threesome. Hmmm, that sounds *SO* wrong. Imagine how many hits it'd get on google search! I'm going to leave it like that! Ha! :P) And, we would talk about boys. Of course. That was our favourite thing to do. Watch films only so that we can drool over sexy boys in the film. Rewind and replay parts where they look extra-hot. And then, crib about how unfair life is and how some women just have it all while others, like us, have to make do with ordinary boys. Hmph. Well anyway, we enjoyed the Sex and the City episodes a lot!
I remember this one time when we were watching the episode where Carrie was dating the politician guy. There was a lot of "action" going on on the screen and both Sun and Moon decided to oblige me by explaining what's going on (you know, because I'm tiny and all, they thought I didn't know what's a bj) Meuh! Turns out they were wrong and I DID know (ahem, ahem!! :P) but I didn't bother to correct them because I thought it was hilarious! :P The scary part is that just when all the "explaining" was happening, my mum decided to poke her head in my room and see what we are up to! She never mentioned it but I think that was the day my mum suffered from a minor stroke! But I'm glad that she did that because it was after that day that she kept expecting to find alcohol bottles and cigarette packets in my possession. Obviously she didn't find any (because I don't smoke and don't drink at home.) But, I came off as looking as the "good daughter" instead of being the "bad daughter" she always accused me of being because I didn't get distinction in my results. Sigh, expectations! How drastically can they change your perspectives! ;)

And then, there was the time when we all went to Sun's country house, which, by the way, is also THE MOST beautiful place in the world!! No, really!! By popular votes! ALL three of us think so! Well anyway, we used to take long walks in the mountains and sit on the cliffs watching the tiny lights slowly come on below us in the valley as the sun starts setting. And we celebrated [an alcohol-less :(] New Year's over a lovely campfire singing songs! No loud music, no clubs, no fireworks but definitely the BEST New Year's ever! :D And there are other, smaller but equally sweet memories, like, meeting each other for a coffee, a hug and a10-15 minute chat before the first lecture of the day, making chocolates for the first time in our lives (yes yes, they were edible!! :P), arguing over our birthday lunch venues (hehe, of course I won!! :P There was no meat eating that day!! :P), deciding who slept where after *VERY* careful evaluation of the situation (:P), wrapping each other's gifts because it makes us happy, bra-shopping and the resulting frustration (:P), having goti-soda (yes, in Mumbai!!! ::sniff:: I miss Mumbai!), going shopping at Flora Fountain and Colaba Causeway, dressing up together and pinning up each others' dresses, borrowing each others' clothes and jewellery, bitching about Pearl......there are just *SO* many! Oh, and watching films and talking about boys! Did I mention that already? Oh well, it's not enough!! :P

One of the other great nights we've had is on Moon's birthday, which, incidentally was also the last time we spent a night together (I just did it again!!! :P) before we moved out to different time zones. There was much dancing and nautanki that day. Well, there always is. But, it was like we knew we wouldn't be able to do this for a VERY long time again. So, we poured out ALL that we had in that moment! During the party, Sun and Moon did a spoof of Hindi film fight sequences for all us lesser beings with everything from Matrix to "Yanna Rascala" to Bhangra dance steps thrown in!! They even did two takes for the camera! And then, we had a full night just to ourselves! We watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. for a change because even though we are SATC, our emotions at the moment were very F.R.I.E.N.D.S. And, of course, we talked about hot men and how life is so unfair! See that??!! He's all three of our's collective fantasy boy! :P Ohmygod!! Some men are just made for pure TORTURE!!! ::battles the knot in her stomach, the dryness in her mouth and her light-headedness::

And then, there was some crying. Come on, there would be no "us" any more!! I mean, there is, but it'd never be the same with the three of us in 3 different continents, isn't it? It's like the end of an era! We have actually come much closer now. Especially, because we know that there will never be anything like us any where else, ever again! But it doesn't take away anything from that moment of bitter-sweet joy, where we were mind-numbingly happy but at the same time, infinitely sad knowing that it's going to end soon.

Sigh those were the days! Celestial Goddesses are now like poles. Half a year of Sun, half a year of Moon. ::sniff sniff:: But the Celestial Goddesses will resurface and then, there'll be more stories and more gossip! Until then, stay tuned for more rants and laments and nostalgia and drool factors! ;)

A Defence of English Literature

This post is dedicated to all those people who love English literature, have studied it in the past, are studying it currently and/ or have anything even remotely to do with it. And, it is directed towards all those people who think or have thought studying English Literature to be an easy option or a waste of time.

*RANT ALERT* Don't generalise. Don't judge. Don't compare our field of study with yours. Maybe you think what we study is useless but that is because you lack imagination. There are several reasons why we study this but the most important one is: it makes us happy. We love it. What we do with our lives and careers is none of your buisness. You don't have any rights to judge us. In fact, at least we have the courage to pursue what we love doing. But, most of you on the other hand, are stuck in dead-end jobs that you hate but stay in only because it pays a bit better. However, if you are working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, what are you going to do with all that money anyway? But you won't quit. You know why? Because you don't have the balls to do that.

You argue that most of us don't even know what we are going to do later. Right. So, you mean, you knew? If you say yes, I will honestly beat you up! For lying. Possibly with the book that I would be reading at the moment. Or, more hopefully, with the hardbound copy of my very own book! ::forgets the ranting and looks dreamily into the space:: Oooh, must get back to ranting. Uhhh, where was I? Yea, so, basically, English Literature is great. Okay? Stop irritating me with those looks and questions and sympathetic or bemused expressions. Okay? Right, now that we have that straightened out, ::goes back to day-dreaming::

Hugs - Spread the love! :D

Last week, I was in Edinburgh for a Couchsurfing festival, Edinburgh Rocks! 2010. Among many other events, my favourite one was the "Free Hugs" one. I find the concept of "Free Hugs" such an awsome gesture to restore people's faith in humanity and of spreading goodwill and positivism!

I was standing in that square for approximately two hours and I can say that the whole square was literally jetting out positive energy just because there were a bunch of us standing with smiles on our face, trying to make other people's day just a little bit better. During those two hours, at least 4 people asked me what was the campaign about. But, the sad part is that when we told them, it's just a Free Hugs event (I refuse to call it a campaign, however innocent and pure it's meaning may be!) to spread love, they refused to believe us! They were convinced that it's a product for which we are advertising or that we'll ask them for some donation/ money afterwards or something. People today are so governed by materialism that when somebody does something out of pure emotions, we doubt it of being genuine!

Most of the people passed us by. But, at least, when they looked at us, looking at them expectantly, hoping to hug them to make them feel better, they smiled. And, that was our reward: the smile that showed that they felt better, that they felt happier. And that smile meant that we had achieved what we wanted to! It's like a chain - if they are happy, they will make someone else happy, who will make someone else happy and so on and so forth. If this chain is at work everyday, in every city, the world would be a much happier place!

There were others, who refused to even acknowledge our presence in the area.... They just walked us past, not even smiling. I saw one woman sniffling and smoking and a few other guys, who had ugly scowls on their faces. And my heart went out to them!! These were the people, who actually, really needed the hugs. One might argue that they actually only needed some space. But, it is a scientifically proven fact that a human touch, a hug or a kiss works much better than any other kind of medicine to help stress and depression. If the world had a bit more compassion and patience with humanity, it can work wonders for itself! The Free Hugs was just a medium for spreading some of this. I hope I get to do it more often in the future and people in general do it more often as well!! :)

Friends for life!

"I went to the country for hiking!! It was so beautiful man, I can't even describe!! I absolutely fell in love with that town!!"

"Have you put up the pictures on Facebook?"

"Yea, you can check them out!! It was such an amazing day!!"

"Ok, hold on, will just check....ooh!! It looks great, wow! Hmm..hmm..cool...Awwww!!!!!!!"

"Hey, you were looking at so-and-so picture, weren't you?"

"Yeaa!! How did you know?!!"

This was a skype-conversation between my two best friends (Let's call them Sun and Moon, shall we? You know, I'm the Star and together, we are the Celestial Goddesses Trio! :D :P) and I, a few months ago, when I had been in England only for a month. These are the two people for whom I can give up my deepest desires and an e-mail from whom can cheer up the worst and the bluest of my days. We all know each other so well, we just have to hear the intonation of a sentence or see the flicker of an expression and we know exactly what the other is thinking! Here, I had both! There was no way I wouldn't know which picture she was looking at...

I talked to the two of them again today and we exchanged news from each of our time zones. Life takes you on such a roller coaster, you have to sometimes let go of people you love so much. And even though (like my parents would LOVE reminding me) communication is so easy today, the joy of being physically present to share somebody's life and of being able to hug them whenever you feel like is so different! So, we have to make do with virtual contact, whether we like it and want it or not....

After I finished talking to them, I was just thinking of how many such close friends I've had in my life. I realised I ALWAYS had someone or the other who used to be very close to me. But, in due course of time, we move apart and then, the friendship dwindles and is never the same again! I had a friend in school, who moved away and not just physically but also emotionally; then a couple others, who went to different colleges and chose different fields of study and even though we pretend to be close today, if I die tomorrow, they'll probably not realise for another couple of months at least! And the one that hurts a bit is the friend who moved to another country for a few years and came back completely changed! Even though she is still great friends with me and loves me, she is not the same any more. It is probably my own fault that I am not being able to accept her as she is. After all, people change over time. It is completely and totally justified and valid that you change your opinions with your experiences! But, there is still a but in this relationship for me! The one that hurts the most is somebody who claims that you are the best friend he will ever have but there is never any news from his side - no email, no call, not even a short 2-line message informing that he is alive and well (or not)! Well, it's not just his claim but truth - in the past! We used to be great buddies and extremely close friends! But, suddenly, one summer, he didn't want to be as close any more and I have still not figured out what went wrong - even after more than 2 years! I don't want to be egoistical and claim that it is all their fault that they didn't keep in touch with me...I probably must have done this to people who move lower down the ladder of priorities sometimes. And I didn't even realise it. Because if I realised I'm hurting someone, I'd try my level best to avoid doing it!! It's not a blame game....I am just trying to figure out what I wanted out of my friends, what I gave them back for it, did I do any justice to our relationship and other things like that...

Most likely, its all about growing up! All these years, we are growing up, still trying to figure out our own selves. And so, you change, the friends change, you probably don't have any more common grounds or one matures earlier than the other. And therefore, the friends you make when you are in college are probably much closer to you than the others before them. Because, by then, you are either growing up together and finding yourselves together or you are more or less the person you will be for quite a few years to come. Well, hopefully, at least!!! :P It does make a difference when you are exploring yourselves together. When your discovery of any aspect of your identity is linked with that of another person, you can't think of that aspect without your friend! You become one entity - together in this and probably a lot other things as well...

It is probably because of these reflections and previous friendships which have dwindled down to nothing that I want to hold on to these people in my life so tightly that they never slip away like the others did!! There are two people on this earth in front of whom I can lay my heart bare and who can guess what I'm feeling like and who will not judge me for doing that. I can absolutely not afford to lose them!! Their presence and importance in my life transcends words and there is so much between us that one blog or even a 100 will not be enough to encompass it all!

I probably said ZERO substantial thing in this post. But, I wanted to dedicate this return to blogging by dedicating my first post to my best friends in the world! I love you two, my Sun and Moon!

LOVE

Puppy Love

Carnal Love

Love for Family

Love for Friends

Passing Love

Enduring Love

Love for Parents

Love for Children

Obsessive Love

Destructive Love

Love for Teachers

Love for Students

Heart wrenching Love

Mind blowing Love

Love for Brothers

Love for Sisters

Selfish Love

Selfless Love

Love for Neighbours

Love for Colleagues

Fake Love

And….

Real Love…..or the Love you think is Real

But what is it?

And where is it?

Where is True Love?

LOST….

Faceless and Unwanted….

In all sorts of loves…..