Sunday, December 19, 2010

A Letter to the Landlady of the House

I didn't tell you all last time this happened, but on the day of my farewell party, the landlady here screamed at me for no reason at all. She kept screaming random things about how I ruined her life and her kitchen and her house and God knows what else. And she did it again. About three minutes before I was leaving for my graduation ceremony. And this time, I'm going to chronicle her bitchiness on the internet forever without sparing any details.

Ms. Memo,

  • You need to stop crossing lines with people. It is NOT okay to scream at them. Whether you have valid reasons to do that or not. And btw, do you like, pick occasions for unleashing this unpleasantness on me? Farewell party and Graduation ceremony. Just when I'm supposed to be happy and spending time with my friends?
  • Stay away from the family, dude. One more word about my family and you will be dead meat. I mean it. I'm sure there is some or the other law about mental torture or racial harassment in this country. I am not kidding. I WILL do it.
  • This might be your house but everyone here pays for living here. So, simply making rules like "No Chinese style cooking." or "No using bodywash." is not right. You would need to consult people who live here and make rules together. You might be the landlady but since you live here, you are also a house mate. 
  • You most certainly did NOT "allow me to stay here for free." I'm somebody's guest here. And if you read the contract papers carefully, which I'm sure you know word for word, you'll find in there that everyone here is allowed to have guests for as long as they want. 
  • You can NOT ask someone not to cook anything "nasty". Just because you are not used to something doesn't mean it's "nasty". And I especially don't think you have the right to say something like that when you eat sardines 3 days out of 7. Nobody else complains, not because this is your house and you can do whatever you want, but because when 7 people, all of different nationalities are staying in one house, people understand and adjust. Not scream at each other. Oh, and btw, really?!! Did my CHOCOLATE CAKE really "stink the whole house down for two days"? I didn't hear anyone else complaining. They loved it. And what do you mean, "I didn't offer it to you"? Isn't it the rule of the house that whatever is on the dining table is meant for the whole house? So, doesn't that include you? You do know the rules, right? Since you made them and all? You could have helped yourself if you wanted it. 
  • I can't be cleaning the counters when I'm in the middle of cooking something. You can't accuse me of being unclean.
  • That duvet you thought I was going to give away to a charity shop? It was there NEXT to my stuff, not WITH my stuff because I was using it for the 2 days that I was sleeping on the couch. Next time, get your facts right before accusing me of anything.
  • "I boil a lot of water when I cook"? I refuse to give any kind of consideration to this kind of accusations. 

There are a lot of other meaner things that she said. But I'm exhausted. I feel outraged that I let her scream these rubbish things at me and didn't say a word. And now, that moment when I could have retaliated has passed. But now that I am no longer shocked at the kind of things she says, at least I will not keep quiet if and when this happens next time. 


  1. Yeah, man, seriously. Senile old lady. :/

  2. Old lonely lady? has she been ever you know...laid? Coz that could be it! Simple! Reminds me of someone...I hope you know who.....???

  3. Well, she was married twice and had 2 daughters. So, I think she might have been laid. But I'm sure it's been a long long time since then. :/

    Do you mean Pearl? :P