The X-files

Ghosts from the past ALWAYS return. And they ALWAYS come at a time when you are least expecting them, catching you off-guard, causing that stupid pit in your stomach. Oh, and did I mention they totally suck? Hmph.

So, I was just making dinner today and since I haven't eaten proper, real South Indian dishes (read Mumbai style South Indian dishes) in ages, I decided I'll put the ready dosa packet I had to good use and make some onion uttappa. Good plan. One down, one more to go. Ooooh, it tastes *so* good!! The second one, straight from the gas. Oooh, I have some cheese in the fridge. Must eat Cheese Onion Uttappa!!! It's going to be PERFECT!!!

And it was. Until I sunk my teeth in the thick layer of cheese spread on the uttappa. It came out of nowhere, my memory of sitting outside the Bandra Elco Market, eating the best cheese dosa in the world with my ex (Lets call him CPV for the Commitment Phobic V, shall we?) And even though it was a long time ago, even though I am no longer in love with him, even though I've mostly managed to lock up all the memories in a trunk and buried the trunk somewhere I don't want to remember, it hit me and I went all numb. CPV was the most serious and the longest relationship I've ever had. Both of us have commitment issues (Yes, dear reader, I'm not exactly the model for any matrimony or dating website adverts. But think about it. If I call HIM commitment phobic, exactly how much commitment phobic must he be!) And so, we broke up since the relationship was not going anywhere. I'd put quotation marks in the previous sentence except that it'd give the impression that he was the one who said it when it was actually me.

Now, don't get me wrong. It was wonderful while it lasted. Of course, we had our rough patches. But, mostly, it was lovely. And I have more good memories, like this one, than the bad ones. But sustaining the relationship was being more of a burden than a natural thing and the break-up was in order. Anyway, it surprised me that that particular memory would take me back in time, make me feel sick and bring me back to present, all in the span of less than thirty seconds. He shouldn't be having this impact on me now. I've been missing him less and less in the last 6 months and feeling better and better about the whole break-up thing. And then, the most innocuous thing like cheese makes me realise how some things might never change. No, I don't love him any more. But, it'll probably take a lot more time to get used to ordinary things without him. Sigh, such is life, dearies!