Sigh, Leeds!

I cannot, cannot, canNOT believe I left Leeds and came back here!

JD, who is still in Leeds just put this on facebook as a reply to some "It wasn't really war" type comment for yesterday's match:

"Well it was in Leeds, people abusing left right and centre, people came with dhols and loud speaker to the old bar.. I got told off for dancing on the pool table! :P"

::wails loudly::

I want to go back to Leeds!!! Be it the massive student protests against the ConDem-ed Government's decision to raise the home student fees or celebrate an India-Pakistan cricket match, there is always some action happening at Leeds. Old Bar is one of the bars in our university famous for transforming itself into an awesome sports bar on important days. We all went there to watch the thakela America v/s England football match during FIFA earlier in the year and dude, the two rooms had 5 big TVs, lots of war paint and incomparable amounts of energy. It was great just to be there because the match was really the most boring football game I've eve seen. (Well, not that I have seen many but whatever. :P) And Leeds has many, many, many Indians and Pakistanis. I can just imagine what the atmosphere would have been like for yesterday's match. 


These are the moments, of course, where I miss Leeds like absolutely crazy. Here, even if such things might happen in some places, a) they will always be too far away from home to be realistically going there and b) parents will always interfere and forbid doing fun things. Sigh.

The Cricket Fever

"1 lakh for a 10k ticket, 17 lakhs for a 10 second advertisement, 22000 for a one way ticket to chandigarh on wednesday morning flights, Richest men in asia fighting for jet parking space at chandigarh airport, 1 billion hearts synchronized at the same level, 75% productivity of the most upcoming nation stopped on the final day of the financial year....No, this is not just a cricket match...Cheers!"

- Facebook update of a friend. 

It's amazing how this sport unites India everytime, especially when there is an India-Pakistan match. And if it's World Cup Semifinals, ooooh! I am never much bothered by cricket. I don't even know the difference between a wide and a no ball. But I do find it extremely fascinating that somehow, the whole country is talking about the match. That there is a certain buzz in the air, a cackling electricity brought on by this "It's War!!!!!" attitude amongst the people of both countries. That everywhere you go, everywhere you see, everywhere you turn, all you can see, hear, feel is the cricket fever! FB newsfeed, SMSes, Hoardings, TV, Radio, Internet, even random conversations between strangers on trains, bus-stops, everywhere. I find it absolutely charming. C'est passionant!! 

Today, even at Alliance Française, when they were doing the feedback session with us individually, the rest of us were huddled into the small peons' room, watching the match. And then, the director, who simply couldn't understand what's with everyone let us go early to watch the match. Almost everyone I know has either a half-day or an off or they are bunking lectures today. I don't understand it but I love it. And for some reason, I don't mind being a part of the masses going crazy for one day like this. :)

So, for this great quality of cricket to bring the whole country together and making a certain anticipation felt even in the hearts of people who generally couldn't care less, "De Ghuma Ke!!!" :)

* Images courtesy Google

Leech

Leech

–noun  
 Any bloodsucking or carnivorous aquatic or terrestrial worm of the Hirudinea class; parasite thriving on other's resources without giving anything in return and exhausting them.


*Source: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/leech

I am not alone!!

In feeling disoriented and depressed, I mean. Since my diary-entry of 25/03/2011 was so successful, I am going to make a diary entry for 26/03/2011 as well.. Which was a very, very good day. :)

First of, I FINALLY started learning Sanskrit. :) The teacher is a bit blah but I don't think I care just yet. I am doing something I have been wanting to do since ages and ages. And I could feel the thrill of learning a new language creep up on me slowly, the excitement of when I understood something, when I could say something that meant nothing to me a day ago and is something that is so frequently used today. Like "Aaam" means "Good bye". Or "Gacchami" means I am going. A new culture, history, story, flavour, which has slowly started enveloping me and spreading it's magic on me.I love learning new languages! :D

Then, I met Moon and one of our friends, PM, and we all went to a reeeeeally nice Goan cuisine restaurant in Colaba called Soul Fry Casa. Moon tried a veg. Thali and PM and I shared some roti, sabzi, dal, rice and we all had the best Aam Pannha and Sol Kadhi ever.After that, we went to Oxford bookstore, where there was a really nice little tea-cafe called Cha Bar and it had such an extensive variety of teas on it's menu and so reasonably priced, we were all in heaven! :D We had some Rum Tea, Passionfruit Tea and Peppermint tea, all of which were quite decent. Sitting, reading a book and drinking tea. It was so beautiful.

 

Moroccan Mint Tea - I love the way it's served

My Rum Tea ;)

 

Moon's Passionfruit Tea, her Archie's comic and the Cha Bar menu

Moon - She specifically asked me to mention that she does read more intelligent books as well. No comments from my side. :P

And the best part of the evening was yet to come after this. I met Bijli, a friend who is back from guess where? LEEDS!!!!! We talked for a long, long, loooooong time about our beautiful Leeds and how we are both going through the same things in our post-England life - depression, disorientation, hanging in the limbo, missing freedom and independence, going through the same old rutty things with our parents etc. And since she has only recently come back unlike me, who has been struggling with these things for sometime now, I was sagely giving her advice and telling her that it at least has the semblance of getting better with time. But it was so good to talk to someone who understands exactly what you are going through, who knows what you mean when you talk about a particular place or a particular habit or a particular attitude etc.

We walked down to the Land's End at Nariman point, watched the sunset and then walked back towards the station. And talked and talked and talked about Leeds and coming back to India and living in the crowded, hot, humid and noisy Mumbai. I readjusted myself quite quickly to this life here (even though I still hate the long hours of commute) but Bijli, never having lived in Mumbai before and just coming back after living 3 years in nice, little, green Leeds is finding it a bit more difficult.But it helped both of us immensely to talk about it and let it out, bit by bit. It's still not as if everything's okay now and we are happily going to accept our situation now. But, it was a sort of pseudo-catharsis, for the lack of a better word.

For some strange reason, this day, I accepted my reality (and, in a good way, not a hopeless last resort) a little bit more, fell in love with myself a little bit more and fell in love with both, Leeds and Mumbai a little bit more. I don't know how meeting Bijli did all this but it did. And I feel some happier. :)

Conclusion: Probably still bipolar but a happier than yesterday bipolar.

Manifestations of the Bipolar

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 1:00 pm

Nothing is the same anymore when your perspectives change, is it? Not Mumbai, not your family, not your friends, not Xavier's, nothing. Not even your favourite Cheese Palak Dosa from the college canteen. But the trick is to continue as if nothing has happened. Hoping that it will go back to the way it was. Hoping against hope that you will go back to the way you were. You know it will never happen. You have changed irrevocably. But, you hope. And the trick still is to continue as if nothing has happened. Smile, laugh, chat, gossip. Don't let anyone know that you are afraid. Because you are supposed to be strong. People who show emotions are weak. You go on as if you are sure. Sure that the direction you are moving in and the changes you are perceiving eveywhere are desirable. Initiated. By you. The trick is to go on as if nothing has changed.

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 2:30 pm

Sorry. That was a bit of a depression let out there. But it was brought on by the day I had up until then. So, I haven't mentioned it on the blog but I am doing an Intensive Teacher Training Course to teach French as a foreign language at Alliance Francaise, here in Bombay. It is only for two weeks, of which one is over. But it is extremely interesting and extremely tiring. 9 to 6, Monday to Friday plus 3-4 hours of commute everyday. Plus, reading big, fat books on Education in complicated, academic French and homework. It's been amazing but I can't wait for it to get over with already.

Anyway, I was a bit upset because I took a class and it was catastrophic. I mean, it actually went very well and I got a very nice, constructive feedback. But, at that moment, I was blue like the indigo (bad simile, yea! :/) and felt as if the world was collapsing at my feet. Yes, I am quite the drama queen. :P So, I was some upset. Anyway, that was the update bit.

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 10:15 pm

I haven't had so much fun in ages and ages! So, I took a bit of a class, just like everyone else and everyone else like me, too, was depressed and tired and blue. After the class, we had some time to ourselves before we attend a dinner that Alliance had organised for us. So, 5 of us girls went to Marine Drive and went absolutely crazy. I'm sure you have gone through this state of mind before, (mostly if you are a girl, maybe if you are a guy) but extreme fatigue + stress + distress = complete abandon and mad, drunken behaviour. We were all flirting with each other, spouting innuendos like nobody's business, gossiping maliciously and laughing like hyenas. Sigh. What amazing relaxants all these things are! :)

After the craziness, we went to Kebabchi restaurant in Colaba (in Gordon House, 3 floors above Polly Esther's.) The food was good, the ambience was good and the people were great! Only, those horrible yellow, blue and red lights gave me such a headache. :/ Maybe I'm growing old and can't take in all these things. :P The best thing, however, was the informal conversations we had with the Pedagogique Director of Alliance Francaise de Bombay (who, btw, is so cute, I want to bring him home and have babies with him) and the other profs - all in French. :) And with so much ease and comfort, so fluently, it surprised me. Pleasantly, of course. :)

I hadn't had such a nice, relaxed time forgetting everything else in quite a long, long time. :)

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 11:30 pm

But the problem with these moments of joy and nice time is just that. That they are simply moments and they pass. Happiness is no longer a state of being. It's a borrowed status.

Conclusion: Told ya. Bipolar.

FB PDA

• 2 of my friends from school who are now dating each other:

Ashutosh's picture, named "The morning after.. :P"
Comments:
Ashutosh: tired and sleepy eyes.. after exposure to multiple movies throughout d night :D
GE: i kno.. bt it ws fun :)
Ashutosh: oh yeah.. definitely.. a roller coaster ride from psycho killer to ghost to beer ! :P
GE: i dnt remember seein d beer much tho ;)
Ashutosh: hehe.. ;)   

WHY?!!!! Oh, and just for the records, this is ONLY one of the examples of comments/ wall posts etc that come up atleast 10 times a day. Needless to say, they have been blocked on my news feed.

• Another friend I made when I went to Scotland for a trip.

Emily Buchon has been fraped by her own boyfriend. And it feels good...
Comments:
Simon: I know you like it, baby.. ;)
Some other friend (who, thank God, feels the same way I do): My eyes! My eyes!

• 2 more friends from college. (Actually, they are very, very cute together. So, I feel a bit guilty putting this up here but sometimes, FB PDA can be so corny, how can I resist myself?

JB: This little bit here is called 'happy'ness. (For a picture)
Anjali: If u mean ogling at ur pik then yes:)
JB: U = Precious. 

Seriously, guys. You are so cute together. And even on FB, you are mostly sane and keep a check on yourselves. What happens to you sometimes?

• Another friend to his girlfriend: (heart signs) * 77 

Ugh, what? Somebody kill me right now!Thank God for FB's privacy settings.
Also, I know some people might see it as an invasion of privacy or something but really, all these things were put up on FB for the whole world to see. So, if anyone thinks they need to protect their privacy, STOP putting stupid stuff up on it and be glad that I have used pseudonyms.

Need to Escape

Badly. Escape. From everything. Everyone. Family. Friends. Work. Study. French. Room. Anywhere but here. Making half-hearted appropriate noises of enthusiasm while feeling dead inside. Bloody stifling. Suffocating.

(I might always have been bipolar. Will have to get that one checked.)

Writer's Block

Can't find the words or things to write about. Hoping that saying this out loud will jinx the block and I will be able to write again. Meanwhile a random song video:

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine
Staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long
And there is time to kill today
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun

And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter
Never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to nought
Or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way
The time is gone
The song is over
Thought I'd something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells

On why anyone, anywhere can identify with Bridget Jones

"Bridget! Happy New Year!" said Geoffrey Alconbury (uncle Geoff, Bridget's parents' friend), clad in a yello diamond-patterned sweater. He did a jokey Bruce Forsythe step and then gave me the sort of hug which Boots would send straight to the police station.


"Hahumph," he said, going red in the face and pulling his trousers up by the waistband.


(blah blah blah)


"Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love-life anyway?"


Oh God. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to them and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still having sex?"

************

So, I went on a trip with my family yet again. And yet again, I found myself facing annoying uncle # 483 and # 484 - the first one, the pervert of the family, who this time pulled my three-fourths upto my thighs "just as a joke". And the second one, the one who has taken it over himself to hammer good sense into me and make me understand that I have to get married right away if I want to live happily ever after. And he ensures that he fulfills his duty as the elder of the family by bringing this subject up every time he sees me - 5 times a day if we are always together and also by telling everyone around us to start looking for boys for me. Bastard and Pompous Ass. I wonder how do I always get trapped into going to these family trips when I know fully well what is going to happen. :/

But, I also had fun with my cousins, who were thankfully not those holier-than-thou types. Phew. And also, because this time, we had gone to Girnar in Gujrat and the main objective was to go on the Lion Safari. :D And I saw real lions and some other awesome animals and birds! :D Woohoo!! :D Will put up pictures soon as I get them from my cousins. :) Trips, even the crappy ones, make me happy. :)

"I haven't been tempted even for a moment."

So, I was talking to S after a long, long time yesterday and it almost made me cry. I am not sure if I have mentioned this before but S and M have been engaged for a while now and are planning a May wedding. S is just so happy with M and planning her wedding is probably the biggest headache of her life but she is still so blissfully happy. There is no end to the amount of problems she is having because of this relationship and this wedding. She kept telling me that she would never have survived it if it wasn't for M's love. And frankly I tell her that even with all the love, I wouldn't have been able to survive it. That's when she smiled and glowingly told me that one sentence which shook me to the core: "I haven't been tempted even for a moment."

S is American, M is Italian and they met in England when M was working there. Now, M has got business in Italy and has to move there. S is a scholarship student in England and so, will have a long, bureaucratic process involving never ending papers and visits to various consulates so that she can move to Italy with M. S has got an ENORMOUS family in New York and so, she only wants to get married there. But, M's mother is very old fashioned and believes that the ceremony should only happen in Italy because they are the boy's family. (ugh.) And anyway, there are some complications because of the whole internationality of it because of which they need to get married legally in Italy first and only then go to America for the actual wedding. (phew. That was complicated even to write. Can't imagine it happening to someone.)  They have no clue how long the bureaucratic process will take, when can they legally get married, if they can happily get married in New York, when can M apply for a visa to America and when can they actually have the ceremony. And in the middle of all this extremely fatiguing mess, M's sister hates S. And when I say hate, I mean HATE. Like, she vindictively hates her. Everything that happens is somehow S's fault. So much so, that the sister is in the fifth year of a 3-year PhD programme and even that is somehow, S's fault. Even though S met M exactly a year ago.

But in the end, it is not all this that matters. What really matters is that S has not been temped even for a moment. That is what I want for myself. Not to be tempted even for a moment.