Saturday, March 26, 2011

Manifestations of the Bipolar

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 1:00 pm

Nothing is the same anymore when your perspectives change, is it? Not Mumbai, not your family, not your friends, not Xavier's, nothing. Not even your favourite Cheese Palak Dosa from the college canteen. But the trick is to continue as if nothing has happened. Hoping that it will go back to the way it was. Hoping against hope that you will go back to the way you were. You know it will never happen. You have changed irrevocably. But, you hope. And the trick still is to continue as if nothing has happened. Smile, laugh, chat, gossip. Don't let anyone know that you are afraid. Because you are supposed to be strong. People who show emotions are weak. You go on as if you are sure. Sure that the direction you are moving in and the changes you are perceiving eveywhere are desirable. Initiated. By you. The trick is to go on as if nothing has changed.

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 2:30 pm

Sorry. That was a bit of a depression let out there. But it was brought on by the day I had up until then. So, I haven't mentioned it on the blog but I am doing an Intensive Teacher Training Course to teach French as a foreign language at Alliance Francaise, here in Bombay. It is only for two weeks, of which one is over. But it is extremely interesting and extremely tiring. 9 to 6, Monday to Friday plus 3-4 hours of commute everyday. Plus, reading big, fat books on Education in complicated, academic French and homework. It's been amazing but I can't wait for it to get over with already.

Anyway, I was a bit upset because I took a class and it was catastrophic. I mean, it actually went very well and I got a very nice, constructive feedback. But, at that moment, I was blue like the indigo (bad simile, yea! :/) and felt as if the world was collapsing at my feet. Yes, I am quite the drama queen. :P So, I was some upset. Anyway, that was the update bit.

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 10:15 pm

I haven't had so much fun in ages and ages! So, I took a bit of a class, just like everyone else and everyone else like me, too, was depressed and tired and blue. After the class, we had some time to ourselves before we attend a dinner that Alliance had organised for us. So, 5 of us girls went to Marine Drive and went absolutely crazy. I'm sure you have gone through this state of mind before, (mostly if you are a girl, maybe if you are a guy) but extreme fatigue + stress + distress = complete abandon and mad, drunken behaviour. We were all flirting with each other, spouting innuendos like nobody's business, gossiping maliciously and laughing like hyenas. Sigh. What amazing relaxants all these things are! :)

After the craziness, we went to Kebabchi restaurant in Colaba (in Gordon House, 3 floors above Polly Esther's.) The food was good, the ambience was good and the people were great! Only, those horrible yellow, blue and red lights gave me such a headache. :/ Maybe I'm growing old and can't take in all these things. :P The best thing, however, was the informal conversations we had with the Pedagogique Director of Alliance Francaise de Bombay (who, btw, is so cute, I want to bring him home and have babies with him) and the other profs - all in French. :) And with so much ease and comfort, so fluently, it surprised me. Pleasantly, of course. :)

I hadn't had such a nice, relaxed time forgetting everything else in quite a long, long time. :)

Date: 25/03/2011
Time: 11:30 pm

But the problem with these moments of joy and nice time is just that. That they are simply moments and they pass. Happiness is no longer a state of being. It's a borrowed status.

Conclusion: Told ya. Bipolar.


  1. When was happiness ever a state of being? It's like rain in say, Delhi. We know it will come sometime or the other, but we can't hold on to it when it comes. So we celebrate as long as it's there. And then we wait for the next rainy day.