This is ridiculous. I feel like a fucking emotional atom-bomb, ready to burst at the slightest touch. Two days ago, a sweet email forward made me cry. It's absolutely stupid and time to get a hold on myself. So, I made a list of things that give me unadulterated happiness:
- Playing with toddlers. It makes me feel innocent and like a child myself. It was also one of the things that saved me from going absolutely crazy on The Dreaded Trip week before last. My nieces and nephews are a boon from God and very soon, I am going to steal at least two of them and run away to a far, far place. :P
- Music. Though, I have had it on most of the time in the last month and still felt like shit. But, it helps nonetheless.
- Dancing. Even when I was on The Dreaded Trip (and I will definitely write a series of posts about it soon) dancing kept me happy. Even though it was dancing on religious music in a temple.
- Nature. Trees, flowers and the moon.
- Candles. Extremely soothing.
- Watching cartoons. All the depression not withstanding, Popeye made me forget everything else and laugh for a few minutes yesterday and it felt as if I had genuinely laughed after a few years!
So, basically, I need to make a plan to get myself out of the doldrums and take control of my life once again. Because you know, it's nobody else's responsibility but mine to keep myself happy and out of misery.
I already have started doing something about it. I have joined the last level of learning French at Alliance Francaise and oh, the joys of being a student once again! :) I have switched to part time work now, which ensures that I get enough time to socialise, study, write and just have some me-time. I will stay here until the end of May, when my French course finishes because this job offers me good flexibility (at least at the moment) and then, start looking for a better place. Also, the boss is being kinder than before after learning about my commute hours and so, is giving me more work to do at home so that I don't have to travel all the way everyday. This makes it so much more bearable.
Secondly, I started making a list of all the places I want to go to so that I can plan and budget my trips. Because, the one thing that I am sure of is that I want to travel. But, then I realised that I want to go everywhere!! :P So, short term plans on this one. For now, I think I will visit Kyra, Sara and another friend in Banglore, sometime early March. We can re-live our Leeds time together and also, I can fool myself into thinking that I had a vacation. ;)
Thirdly, definitely, I will socialise more with family and friends so that a) I can keep my sanity; b) I can meet my nieces and nephews more often and c) I can be there for my friends when they need me.
Minor things like listening to music, watching more films (especially comedies) and reading more books go without saying. There, I have a plan now. Now, all I have to do is make myself feel some motivated to start doing at least one of the things. The rest of the motivation will come from doing that thing. Or, so I hope. We shall see. I will keep you updated. :)