One of my distant relatives passed away yesterday. Yet another person from my grandparents' generation. Everytime this happens, somewhere, I am aware that I will have to face this day sometime soon too. Whenever my grandparents talk of death, I deny it. I have always denied death. Always believed it wouldn't happen to someone who's so close. Death is for others. Not for my immediate family. Yet the truth remains that it has touched my family before. And it will touch us again. Am I ready for it? Is anyone? Are you?
It's so freaky that one day, suddenly, you just disappear from the surface of the earth, just like that! And for the first couple months, people mourn your loss and even after that, people will miss you sometimes. But, their lives go on. Your absence makes no difference in anyone's life. It scares and depresses me that once I'm no more, I'll gradually become just a picture on the wall or a sporadic memory. But then again, coming to think of it, even when we are alive, doesn't that happen often? I doubt if so many people I was "friends" with in school or college ever remember me except for some random thing they might suddenly remember about me once in a blue moon. I doubt if I'm anything more than a passing thought (or even that) for CPV even though at one time, I was an important element in his life.
On the other hand, I have a new niece and she is oh-my-god so adorable! (On a completely different note, remember the time I told you about how I never want to have children and all but I'm scared of the family pressure I'd have to face? Oh, I guess I miscalculated and before anything else, I'll have to save myself from the pressures of consumerism and commercialisation. When I heard of my niece's birth, I went into a children's store to buy something nice for her and gosh, I wanted to buy EVERYTHING there! I want a baby girl and I want one now, just so that I can dress her up in all these cute little outfits, give her brilliant toys to play with and just generally, coo over her! One of my other friends has also had a baby girl and honestly, now, all I want to do is have babies and bathe them, dress them and play with tiny little hands and feet! And if ONE more person told me that I want dolls, not babies, I will personally kill them. hmph. Gawd, somebody save me from myself! Ok, aside over.)
Anyway, like I was saying, it's scary that people are replacable. But that's how I see it. Someone goes and a new person comes in. Old "friends" lose touch with each other. But, new friends are always coming in your life. Grandmother goes away but a baby girl comes into your life. Ok, I don't know what I'm saying anymore. So, I'll stop. Now.